i masturbated in a public toilet today. and i left my semen on the counter.
oh wait, i should probably preface that by saying that the wife and i are attempting to conceive and are experiencing a little bit of difficulty in doing so. therefore, we both need to be examined to ensure we both are viable and fertile.
so, at lunch today, i headed over to the hospital where i was unceremoniously shuffled into a bathroom and given a specimen cup. the nurse, or whoever she was, told me to leave the cup on the counter when i was done.
i had the option of doing it at home and transporting the...ahem...product to the hospital, but we live about an hour from it and i would need to get it there in an hour and a half. that seemed too close to me, so i chose the second option: making a deposit at the hospital.
let me tell you, guys (and girls, i suppose), there is something really unnerving about being led into a bathroom (by a woman no less) to perform something as intimate as that, with everyone else out there knowing what you're doing. and as unnerving as walking into the bathroom is, walking out is even worse; your face flush with blood, your forehead sweating, your pants oddly bulged...never mind.
i’d been practicing for this moment for many years, so it didn’t take me long; but then, i suddenly got nervous that the speed at which i was able to produce a sample would be noticed by the nurse and the receptionists and the other patients in the waiting room, so i waited. i washed my hands.
three times.
i waited, until enough time passed that it would seem like i’m capable of sustained excitement. i left the bathroom and told the nurse on my way out that the sample was on the counter.
when i got back to work, i felt fabulous: relaxed, vigorous, focused. i noticed a veritable bounce to my step. i bounded up the stairs, taking two at a time. i pinged around the hallways like a plebe cadet. if only i’d known that a lunchtime discharge would produce such a feeling of bliss and tranquility i would’ve jerked off in the bathroom at lunch every day.
if it sounds like i'm oddly proud of the fact that i masturbated in a public toilet and left my semen on the counter, i am. well, maybe not proud so much as strangely not embarrassed.
anymore.
now that it's over.
UPDATE: when i got home i told my wife about what i went through. she said she was proud of me for doing it, and in a bathroom. so, i guess my pride isn't all that strange. or maybe we're both weirdoes, i don't know.
she also said it sounded kinda odd that i had to do this in the bathroom. it was definitely a semen analysis, but i suddenly got scared that maybe they only needed a urine sample. for christ's sake, i said, i left that poor nurse a sample of semen and all she watned was some pee. she was probably wondering what took me so long (well...) and what all those noises in there were. i'm fairly certain i did everything right, but my wife has given me a fright by suggesting it.
it is rather strange, though, that i had to do this in a bathroom. i always thought it would be some kind of room, with videos or magazines (for stimulation). certainly i'd hoped it wasn't covered in shag with stained couches and recliners -- stainless steel to facilitate a complete hosing down would be best -- but, never in my wildest dreams did i imagine it would be a bathroom.
and, the least the nurse could've done was give me a hand (thank you thank you. remember to tip your waitress...).
but, nope. all i got was a specimen cup, a sterile bathroom and my imagination.
i suppose it's good thing it turns out i'm a pervert.
12 June 2008
06 June 2008
burning bridges
i've been giving this a lot of thought lately (no reason really...i swear). my parents always told me to never burn bridges if i were to ever leave a job; no matter what the circumstances, no matter how much i'd want to. their rationale was that you never know when you might need that person's help in the future, or when your paths might cross again.
it's a good thought, in theory, but i say FUCK THAT. arson is fun.
here's why i think burning bridges is not only acceptable, but often your only option:
1) it can actually lead to some change for those coworkers you are leaving behind whom you like. i've seen, on more than one occasion, where comments made during an exit interview sparked some change in the management. it's not common, but it does happen.
2) it makes you feel better. maybe not the best reason, but it's true.
3) it's always best to be truthful. what does sugar-coating your feelings accomplish? your boss is a douchebag. he's a perfectionist, a nano-manager and ill-suited to communicating effectively to cats, never mind other humans. let it be known, people. plus, if you were to ever find yourself on a bridge that leads in his direction you'll wish it were burned. so burn that motherfucker down.
this really has nothing to do with anything topical or pertinent to being a poet, but it's been on my mind lately. exit interviews are ridiculous, anyway. but, if you truly want to accomplish something, spew away. denigrate everyone you feel deserves it. let them sort through the ashes for whatever remains. fuck it, you've got a new job with a whole new set of assholes to deal with.
it's a good thought, in theory, but i say FUCK THAT. arson is fun.
here's why i think burning bridges is not only acceptable, but often your only option:
1) it can actually lead to some change for those coworkers you are leaving behind whom you like. i've seen, on more than one occasion, where comments made during an exit interview sparked some change in the management. it's not common, but it does happen.
2) it makes you feel better. maybe not the best reason, but it's true.
3) it's always best to be truthful. what does sugar-coating your feelings accomplish? your boss is a douchebag. he's a perfectionist, a nano-manager and ill-suited to communicating effectively to cats, never mind other humans. let it be known, people. plus, if you were to ever find yourself on a bridge that leads in his direction you'll wish it were burned. so burn that motherfucker down.
this really has nothing to do with anything topical or pertinent to being a poet, but it's been on my mind lately. exit interviews are ridiculous, anyway. but, if you truly want to accomplish something, spew away. denigrate everyone you feel deserves it. let them sort through the ashes for whatever remains. fuck it, you've got a new job with a whole new set of assholes to deal with.
04 June 2008
driving
i want to take some time to discuss driving. we all do it, and we all hate it. or, at least i do. why do i hate driving so much? it's because of dipshits like you (well, actually i hope you guys aren't the dipshits out there, but maybe you are). i drive over 50 miles a day to commute to my ever-loving job, half of it highway and half of it residential; and it never fails that i will encounter at least one (usually multiple) asshole/idiot/timid driver every single day.
so, what do i see out there? i see people who don't drive with a purpose. driving without purpose is far and away my worst pet peeve. if you don't know where you're going, and you don't know how to get there, and you don't know when you're expected to be there, then do not get in your car and start driving around. if you do have places to be, then fucking go there already. driving without purpose and on a cell phone is liable to get you killed (and not necessarily by an accident, unless me ramming my arm down your throat and pulling out your spine can be considered an accident).
i also notice a shit-ton of people who brake inappropriately (which might not be a big deal when going 20mph, but is a big fucking deal when going 75 on an interstate), who are too timid to make the lane change ("i see someone in my side-view mirrors, oh god...he's nearly 4 miles close to me...what do i dooooo?"), who are too preoccupied with their breakfasts or phone conversations or whatever the fuck else they are doing to realize i'm on their ass in the left lane and flashing my lights for them to move the hell over.
things to watch out for:
1) cars with temporary tags. they are new cars, or at least new to the driver. the driver is either still figuring out the car, or not willing to drive it properly lest they scratch their precious vehicle. be aware of these folks, and prepare for sudden, inexplicable braking as they learn the intracacies of their brakes.
2) Kias, Daewoos, Suzukis. i have no idea why these cars have drivers who have no idea what they hell they are doing, but it seems to be true. now, i know i'm generalizing here. hell, i drive a Saturn and Saturns could easily be lumped in there as well. anyway, invariably, whenever i'm behind a Kia i get caught up in some kind of morass of idiocy as the driver attempts to make an exit on the Interstate, from the left lane, at 35mph or some other such dumbfuckery. the new breed of tiny car is also a part of this, as are the hybrids. (Yaris, Scion, Matrix, Prius, etc.). i have no idea why this is so, but maybe morons are just attracted to this sort of car. i don't know.
3) BMWs. just watch out. trust me.
okay, i'm done with my rant. i apologize if i offended you. if i did, it’s about time you learn how to fucking drive. if i didn't, you probably deal with this crap every day, too, and nodded along.
go ahead and leave a comment of your driving pet peeves. i’m sure there are many. hell, maybe i’m the kind of driver that pisses you off. maybe you can’t stand those drivers who know where they’re going, how to get there and when they need to be there. if so, tough shit.
watch where you’re going folks, follow the flow of traffic and don’t drive distracted. and always be sure to have a purpose for getting behind the wheel.
be safe.
so, what do i see out there? i see people who don't drive with a purpose. driving without purpose is far and away my worst pet peeve. if you don't know where you're going, and you don't know how to get there, and you don't know when you're expected to be there, then do not get in your car and start driving around. if you do have places to be, then fucking go there already. driving without purpose and on a cell phone is liable to get you killed (and not necessarily by an accident, unless me ramming my arm down your throat and pulling out your spine can be considered an accident).
i also notice a shit-ton of people who brake inappropriately (which might not be a big deal when going 20mph, but is a big fucking deal when going 75 on an interstate), who are too timid to make the lane change ("i see someone in my side-view mirrors, oh god...he's nearly 4 miles close to me...what do i dooooo?"), who are too preoccupied with their breakfasts or phone conversations or whatever the fuck else they are doing to realize i'm on their ass in the left lane and flashing my lights for them to move the hell over.
things to watch out for:
1) cars with temporary tags. they are new cars, or at least new to the driver. the driver is either still figuring out the car, or not willing to drive it properly lest they scratch their precious vehicle. be aware of these folks, and prepare for sudden, inexplicable braking as they learn the intracacies of their brakes.
2) Kias, Daewoos, Suzukis. i have no idea why these cars have drivers who have no idea what they hell they are doing, but it seems to be true. now, i know i'm generalizing here. hell, i drive a Saturn and Saturns could easily be lumped in there as well. anyway, invariably, whenever i'm behind a Kia i get caught up in some kind of morass of idiocy as the driver attempts to make an exit on the Interstate, from the left lane, at 35mph or some other such dumbfuckery. the new breed of tiny car is also a part of this, as are the hybrids. (Yaris, Scion, Matrix, Prius, etc.). i have no idea why this is so, but maybe morons are just attracted to this sort of car. i don't know.
3) BMWs. just watch out. trust me.
okay, i'm done with my rant. i apologize if i offended you. if i did, it’s about time you learn how to fucking drive. if i didn't, you probably deal with this crap every day, too, and nodded along.
go ahead and leave a comment of your driving pet peeves. i’m sure there are many. hell, maybe i’m the kind of driver that pisses you off. maybe you can’t stand those drivers who know where they’re going, how to get there and when they need to be there. if so, tough shit.
watch where you’re going folks, follow the flow of traffic and don’t drive distracted. and always be sure to have a purpose for getting behind the wheel.
be safe.
02 June 2008
is there anybody out there?
doubtful.
there were very few out there when i wrote this damned thing full time. but, maybe...just maybe...there are some scragglers who check this thing in the hopes that i'll come back. today is your lucky day, you sick puppies (just as today is a shitty day for all editors...you thought you were rid of me. well, think again douchebags!) -- seems i'm back.
of course, my mother is probably the only one who checks this thing anymore. so, HI MOM! love you.
so, what brought about this ignominious return?
well, my good friend Hosho McCreesh informed me, a week ago, that it had been a full year since i hung up my spurs for the soft days of margaritas and 'smores. i hadn't realized. seems like it's been both longer and shorter than that. either way, a year is a long time and i've used it to recharge, to think, to learn, to read all the shit being published out there by all those poemwhore hacks and i realized i needed to rejoin the fray. a sort of attempt to clean up this mess.
just kidding. sorta. but not really.
anyway, lots of shit has happened in the intervening year. maybe i'll get to it in future posts. maybe not. i'm sure i'll hit some of it (like my many trips to Luxembourg and Tangiers and Laos, all the bands i hung out with while they were on tour, all the novels i wrote and won Pulitzers and Nobels for, all the concept cars i helped design and got to drive...maybe i'll get to all that if i have time and run out of interesting stuff to talk about).
what's that? i've dodged the question long enough, you say?
well, the answer is yes. i'm writing again, though haltingly and sparingly, but that's okay. i've become the Stuart Smalley of the small press world. (you remember him, right? i'm good enough, i'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.) only my mantra is: i'm sick, i'm tired and doggone it, shut the fuck up because i just don't have the time for your incessant whining you fucking, little pansy! oh, and you smell.
i've also decided to give myself a break, and vowed to not put so much pressure on myself to create. i'd lost the enjoyment of writing poetry and when that happened it was only a matter of time before i quit. i'm looking to rediscover that enjoyment again. so far, so good.
work sucks. thought i'd throw that in there. hate it. wish it didn't exist. hate most of the fools there. Utah is a spectacular place, but it sure does breed it's fair (or more than fair) share of weird, foolish, socially-inept people. happens to be that a majority of them work at my company. lucky me.
what else? not much. just glad to be back. and hope to slowly get back into the scene. hope you saved a spot for me.
there were very few out there when i wrote this damned thing full time. but, maybe...just maybe...there are some scragglers who check this thing in the hopes that i'll come back. today is your lucky day, you sick puppies (just as today is a shitty day for all editors...you thought you were rid of me. well, think again douchebags!) -- seems i'm back.
of course, my mother is probably the only one who checks this thing anymore. so, HI MOM! love you.
so, what brought about this ignominious return?
well, my good friend Hosho McCreesh informed me, a week ago, that it had been a full year since i hung up my spurs for the soft days of margaritas and 'smores. i hadn't realized. seems like it's been both longer and shorter than that. either way, a year is a long time and i've used it to recharge, to think, to learn, to read all the shit being published out there by all those poemwhore hacks and i realized i needed to rejoin the fray. a sort of attempt to clean up this mess.
just kidding. sorta. but not really.
anyway, lots of shit has happened in the intervening year. maybe i'll get to it in future posts. maybe not. i'm sure i'll hit some of it (like my many trips to Luxembourg and Tangiers and Laos, all the bands i hung out with while they were on tour, all the novels i wrote and won Pulitzers and Nobels for, all the concept cars i helped design and got to drive...maybe i'll get to all that if i have time and run out of interesting stuff to talk about).
what's that? i've dodged the question long enough, you say?
well, the answer is yes. i'm writing again, though haltingly and sparingly, but that's okay. i've become the Stuart Smalley of the small press world. (you remember him, right? i'm good enough, i'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.) only my mantra is: i'm sick, i'm tired and doggone it, shut the fuck up because i just don't have the time for your incessant whining you fucking, little pansy! oh, and you smell.
i've also decided to give myself a break, and vowed to not put so much pressure on myself to create. i'd lost the enjoyment of writing poetry and when that happened it was only a matter of time before i quit. i'm looking to rediscover that enjoyment again. so far, so good.
work sucks. thought i'd throw that in there. hate it. wish it didn't exist. hate most of the fools there. Utah is a spectacular place, but it sure does breed it's fair (or more than fair) share of weird, foolish, socially-inept people. happens to be that a majority of them work at my company. lucky me.
what else? not much. just glad to be back. and hope to slowly get back into the scene. hope you saved a spot for me.
26 May 2007
22 May 2007
i have no idea why
puzzle but not guzzle
tickle but not pickle
conquistador but not amarillo
tintinnabulation and susurrus but not cacophony or din
go figure.
tickle but not pickle
conquistador but not amarillo
tintinnabulation and susurrus but not cacophony or din
go figure.
26 April 2007
if only he weren't serious
what? two posts in one day?
yup, seems like it.
well, i couldn't pass up this little nugget of dumbfuckery. you might think he was joking; but you'd be wrong.
welcome to Utah, folks. enjoy your stay. watch out for satan and fairies and evil salt nymphs. satyrs and mermaids are probably here, too.
yup, seems like it.
well, i couldn't pass up this little nugget of dumbfuckery. you might think he was joking; but you'd be wrong.
welcome to Utah, folks. enjoy your stay. watch out for satan and fairies and evil salt nymphs. satyrs and mermaids are probably here, too.
forgive me father...
it's been 11 days since my last post. things are pretty slow around here.
i got rejected twice by Barnstorm Magazine.
i haven't written much at all in the last 7 months, and absolutely nothing at all in the last 4. it happens. there are reasons for this current drought that are beyond my control, and i hope for it all to come back in the next few months. we'll see. the last poem i wrote was so bad that the paper i wrote it on literally shuttered at the horror. i would hate for that to be my swan song, but we all can't retire with our last at-bat being a home run.
my mother-in-law is in town for a 10 day visit. the wife is healing quite nicely and will be titrated off Coumadin soon. other than that, it's been not much of anything else. at least spring is finally here.
oh, and we've surpassed 100 finds for the Guerilla Poetics Project (107 as of this post) and are moving along quite nicely. it's the one bright spot in my life (poetically-speaking) lately.
i got rejected twice by Barnstorm Magazine.
i haven't written much at all in the last 7 months, and absolutely nothing at all in the last 4. it happens. there are reasons for this current drought that are beyond my control, and i hope for it all to come back in the next few months. we'll see. the last poem i wrote was so bad that the paper i wrote it on literally shuttered at the horror. i would hate for that to be my swan song, but we all can't retire with our last at-bat being a home run.
my mother-in-law is in town for a 10 day visit. the wife is healing quite nicely and will be titrated off Coumadin soon. other than that, it's been not much of anything else. at least spring is finally here.
oh, and we've surpassed 100 finds for the Guerilla Poetics Project (107 as of this post) and are moving along quite nicely. it's the one bright spot in my life (poetically-speaking) lately.
15 April 2007
quick update
it's been awhile since my last one. here's what's new:
Eric Dejaeger has been kind enough to translate two more of my poems, one of which he has posted on Fricotage. there are some very kind comments left about it, both for the poem itself (thank you) and for Eric's translation (which he deserves). i had to use Babelfish to translate the comments, and i doubt the translations were the best...but i got the gist.
speaking of translated texts, i've sent out copies of the Mi(ni)crobe chapbook Eric created of his translations of some of my poems. if you haven't received yours yet, it's in the mail (or i have neglected to send you one). i have 4 left, so let me know if you want one.
lastly, i was lucky enough to have two poems voted for printing as a broadside for The Guerilla Poetics Project. i'm honored and excited about this. 12 poems in total were selected out of a humongous cache of over 100. the 12 poems are all very strong and will make great additions to the already fabulous collection. the GPP is also looking to have these broadsides designed by people other than the printer, so if you are interested check out the blog and send the GPP an email.
that's it for now. some submissions out, updates when they return.
Eric Dejaeger has been kind enough to translate two more of my poems, one of which he has posted on Fricotage. there are some very kind comments left about it, both for the poem itself (thank you) and for Eric's translation (which he deserves). i had to use Babelfish to translate the comments, and i doubt the translations were the best...but i got the gist.
speaking of translated texts, i've sent out copies of the Mi(ni)crobe chapbook Eric created of his translations of some of my poems. if you haven't received yours yet, it's in the mail (or i have neglected to send you one). i have 4 left, so let me know if you want one.
lastly, i was lucky enough to have two poems voted for printing as a broadside for The Guerilla Poetics Project. i'm honored and excited about this. 12 poems in total were selected out of a humongous cache of over 100. the 12 poems are all very strong and will make great additions to the already fabulous collection. the GPP is also looking to have these broadsides designed by people other than the printer, so if you are interested check out the blog and send the GPP an email.
that's it for now. some submissions out, updates when they return.
04 April 2007
CHAMPIONSHIP SANDWICH!
well, my beloved Florida Gators done did it again!
in an historic (that's for you, Kav) win, the Florida Basketball Gators repeated as National Champions (the first since Duke in 1992, and only the second team since the early 70s). even more impressive is the fact that the Florida Football Gators won the National Championship back in January, making Florida the first school to win a football and basketball national championship in the same year, and only the second school (kudos to you, Michigan State) to have multiple titles in both sports.
this has been an amazing year for Gator athletics. i know it can't last forever, but i certainly hope it does!
in an historic (that's for you, Kav) win, the Florida Basketball Gators repeated as National Champions (the first since Duke in 1992, and only the second team since the early 70s). even more impressive is the fact that the Florida Football Gators won the National Championship back in January, making Florida the first school to win a football and basketball national championship in the same year, and only the second school (kudos to you, Michigan State) to have multiple titles in both sports.
this has been an amazing year for Gator athletics. i know it can't last forever, but i certainly hope it does!
23 March 2007
update
it's been a bit since my last update.
what's new:
i received my copies of Eric Dejaeger's Microbe Editions chapbook in which my poetry is presented in both English and French (as translated by Eric). if you would like a copy, let me know. i have already put aside a few copies for those of you i think might want one, so most likely you're already listed, but still...just in case i don't have you down...
i received word from some little punk (you know who you are ;)) that one of my poems will appear in the next two issues (different poems for each issue, mind you) of The Quirk. this little punk is diligently working on getting the issue designed and collated. he promises it will be a killer issue. i'll be the judge of that, thank you very much! :) i'll update when i hear more. i'm quite excited about this, actually.
i received a rejection from Brian Morrissey of Poesy magazine, though his rejection letter was quite complimentary of me and he asked to see more. and that he shall. i hope to mail him off a new batch soon, but you know how motivation can be a challenge for me. (you don't? well, too bad i'm too lazy to tell you about it, but maybe one day...it's a pretty great story...ah, who am i kidding, it's a bore, much like myself.) anyway, Poesy is a great magazine, and i've appeared in a few issues in the past. maybe i'll slip one past him again in the very near future.
lastly, the latest month's mailings of The Guerilla Poetics Project broadsides have been received, including the first ever broadside printed by a printer other than the original GPP printer. it's a doozy, too. check out the blog for a picture. i've said it before, and i'll say it again: the GPP is something fresh and exciting. if you agree, and believe in the same ideals we believe in, then help us out in any way you can!
oh, and i almost forgot. the wife's cast came off three weeks early. apparently, she's some kind of freak of nature when it comes to healing. her bone is already mended and now she's working on getting the muscles and tendons back to strength. lucky her. if it were me, i'd be in the cast three weeks longer, probably. and my leg would look like a broomstick (or MORE like a broomstick). sad.
anyway, her leg is atrophied a little, and still quite tender and puffy. the skin is tight and swollen and bruised. it's pretty nasty, really. it was really gross before she shaved: it looked like a man's leg. ugh. but, she's on the way to a full recovery and she'll be back in the gym in no time. yea!
what's new:
i received my copies of Eric Dejaeger's Microbe Editions chapbook in which my poetry is presented in both English and French (as translated by Eric). if you would like a copy, let me know. i have already put aside a few copies for those of you i think might want one, so most likely you're already listed, but still...just in case i don't have you down...
i received word from some little punk (you know who you are ;)) that one of my poems will appear in the next two issues (different poems for each issue, mind you) of The Quirk. this little punk is diligently working on getting the issue designed and collated. he promises it will be a killer issue. i'll be the judge of that, thank you very much! :) i'll update when i hear more. i'm quite excited about this, actually.
i received a rejection from Brian Morrissey of Poesy magazine, though his rejection letter was quite complimentary of me and he asked to see more. and that he shall. i hope to mail him off a new batch soon, but you know how motivation can be a challenge for me. (you don't? well, too bad i'm too lazy to tell you about it, but maybe one day...it's a pretty great story...ah, who am i kidding, it's a bore, much like myself.) anyway, Poesy is a great magazine, and i've appeared in a few issues in the past. maybe i'll slip one past him again in the very near future.
lastly, the latest month's mailings of The Guerilla Poetics Project broadsides have been received, including the first ever broadside printed by a printer other than the original GPP printer. it's a doozy, too. check out the blog for a picture. i've said it before, and i'll say it again: the GPP is something fresh and exciting. if you agree, and believe in the same ideals we believe in, then help us out in any way you can!
oh, and i almost forgot. the wife's cast came off three weeks early. apparently, she's some kind of freak of nature when it comes to healing. her bone is already mended and now she's working on getting the muscles and tendons back to strength. lucky her. if it were me, i'd be in the cast three weeks longer, probably. and my leg would look like a broomstick (or MORE like a broomstick). sad.
anyway, her leg is atrophied a little, and still quite tender and puffy. the skin is tight and swollen and bruised. it's pretty nasty, really. it was really gross before she shaved: it looked like a man's leg. ugh. but, she's on the way to a full recovery and she'll be back in the gym in no time. yea!
we've finally made it
yea! it's so damn great to live in this fucking state. what is wrong with people? seriously, what is wrong with them? man. just when you think the government couldn't get any dumber, they go and do something like this. it's enough to make someone go crazy with rage.
and if the dumbasses at the Tax Commission didn't know that merlot was a type of wine, then i doubt they'll know a muscat is too. maybe those of us here in Utah who disagree with this kind of thing should inundate the Tax Commission with applications for vanity plates featuring rare alcoholic beverages just to see if we can squeeze one past them.
that'll show 'em who they're dealing with...
maybe not, but it would still be fun.
and if the dumbasses at the Tax Commission didn't know that merlot was a type of wine, then i doubt they'll know a muscat is too. maybe those of us here in Utah who disagree with this kind of thing should inundate the Tax Commission with applications for vanity plates featuring rare alcoholic beverages just to see if we can squeeze one past them.
that'll show 'em who they're dealing with...
maybe not, but it would still be fun.
04 March 2007
bad moon rising
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here's a photo i just took of the full moon rising over Lone Peak. i couldn't quite get it to look exactly like it did, but the ones i took with the film camera are probably much better. it was less blindingly white, as this photo shows it, and more pale yellowish-blue, with wisps of cirrus clouds streaking across it; and the faintest hint of the mountain illuminated below it.
simply gorgeous.
27 February 2007
the ankle, and a nice email
well, it turns out the wife doesn't need surgery; a small bit of good news after a lot of bad.
she had the ankle set and casted yesterday, and will remain in a cast for the next 6 weeks. she's in a considerable amount of pain, but that too will pass soon enough. before you know it, she'll be hobbling around, then the cast will be off and she'll back up on those rocks.
we got lucky, too, in that no hematoma developed as a result of being on Coumadin. bleeding to death isn't really a concern in something like this, but hematomas aren't uncommon from soft tissue trauma. however, the swelling and bruising she experienced was normal.
and not needing surgery means she can remain on Coumadin, which is good because she'll be idle for some time, which is a risk factor for developing further blood clots.
anyway, all in all she's doing well. she fell off the horse (and hurt herself) but she's climbing back in the saddle again.
i received a very nice email today from Rachel Bunting letting me know that my poem where have you gone, Jack Kevorkian? appears as a poem of the week on Kendall A. Bell's website and that she liked the poem very much. i don't recall submitting to him (though it IS entirely possible that i did), so he probably found it on my website (or another). i'm honored to have the poem as poem of the week, and gladder still that it touched someone enough for them to email me. thank you Kendall and Rachel for your support and kind words.
she had the ankle set and casted yesterday, and will remain in a cast for the next 6 weeks. she's in a considerable amount of pain, but that too will pass soon enough. before you know it, she'll be hobbling around, then the cast will be off and she'll back up on those rocks.
we got lucky, too, in that no hematoma developed as a result of being on Coumadin. bleeding to death isn't really a concern in something like this, but hematomas aren't uncommon from soft tissue trauma. however, the swelling and bruising she experienced was normal.
and not needing surgery means she can remain on Coumadin, which is good because she'll be idle for some time, which is a risk factor for developing further blood clots.
anyway, all in all she's doing well. she fell off the horse (and hurt herself) but she's climbing back in the saddle again.
i received a very nice email today from Rachel Bunting letting me know that my poem where have you gone, Jack Kevorkian? appears as a poem of the week on Kendall A. Bell's website and that she liked the poem very much. i don't recall submitting to him (though it IS entirely possible that i did), so he probably found it on my website (or another). i'm honored to have the poem as poem of the week, and gladder still that it touched someone enough for them to email me. thank you Kendall and Rachel for your support and kind words.
24 February 2007
well, damn
and in the continuing saga of the .barrett household, my wife broke her ankle earlier this morning while rock climbing.
for Valentine's Day i purchased a year's membership to a new indoor rock climbing gym (the largest in the west...or at least it will be when construction is finished in April). it was something she always wanted to do, and i didn't (fear of heights and all).
anyway, i decided it might be fun to try the damn thing. since the gym isn't fully completed, yet, only the bouldering section is open. we've gone a few times and really enjoy it: it's a good workout, requires some mental flexibility to figure out the best route, and is something we both can enjoy.
to continue making a short story less short, my wife was tackling a difficult route, one she'd tried days before without success. it was a hard one, at least for us newbies.
she got to the hardest part of the route and lost her grip, falling to the padded floor. it was only a 6 foot or so drop, and onto a good 2 feet of padding, but she landed awkwardly with her leg underneath her. we thought it was merely a bad sprain (i've had a few in my life, and they can be quite painful). we called our insurance ompany's nurseline, being unable to get through to our doctors, and since Julee is on Coumadin they recommended her getting the ankle checked out, just to be sure.
luckily we did, as she fractured her fibula. it's nothing severe, as fractured fibulas aren't uncommon; however, we're worried about the Coumadin and what effect it might have on the swelling, bruising and internal bleeding. she may need surgery to put a pin in the bone, but we won't know until later this week, when she can get an appointment to see an orthopaedic surgeon.
needless to say, it's certainly not something we need right now.
UPDATE: 25 Feb 07, 10:20 AM: it appears the swelling and bruising haven't gotten any worse and aren't abnormal for such trauma. this is obviously good news as it means the blood isn't pooling unusually. the risk for hematomas is definitely real when experiencing trauma while on Coumadin.
for Valentine's Day i purchased a year's membership to a new indoor rock climbing gym (the largest in the west...or at least it will be when construction is finished in April). it was something she always wanted to do, and i didn't (fear of heights and all).
anyway, i decided it might be fun to try the damn thing. since the gym isn't fully completed, yet, only the bouldering section is open. we've gone a few times and really enjoy it: it's a good workout, requires some mental flexibility to figure out the best route, and is something we both can enjoy.
to continue making a short story less short, my wife was tackling a difficult route, one she'd tried days before without success. it was a hard one, at least for us newbies.
she got to the hardest part of the route and lost her grip, falling to the padded floor. it was only a 6 foot or so drop, and onto a good 2 feet of padding, but she landed awkwardly with her leg underneath her. we thought it was merely a bad sprain (i've had a few in my life, and they can be quite painful). we called our insurance ompany's nurseline, being unable to get through to our doctors, and since Julee is on Coumadin they recommended her getting the ankle checked out, just to be sure.
luckily we did, as she fractured her fibula. it's nothing severe, as fractured fibulas aren't uncommon; however, we're worried about the Coumadin and what effect it might have on the swelling, bruising and internal bleeding. she may need surgery to put a pin in the bone, but we won't know until later this week, when she can get an appointment to see an orthopaedic surgeon.
needless to say, it's certainly not something we need right now.
UPDATE: 25 Feb 07, 10:20 AM: it appears the swelling and bruising haven't gotten any worse and aren't abnormal for such trauma. this is obviously good news as it means the blood isn't pooling unusually. the risk for hematomas is definitely real when experiencing trauma while on Coumadin.
23 February 2007
morning commutes suck.....but
at least, if things work out just right, and i get out of bed in time and eat breakfast fast enough and don't dawdle too long with getting everything ready, i get to see a gorgeous mountain sunrise like this every so often. the thing is these pictures don't even do the real thing justice. it was absolutely stunning.
almost makes the snowstorm that hit later that night worth it. ALMOST!
22 February 2007
updates
my wife got both her legs ultrasounded (is that the past tense of the verb ultrasound? it sounds weird). anyway, she got them done and there are no clots in her legs. there shouldn't have been, but the ultrasound was performed just to be 100% certain. so, it looks like this weekend will be when we take her off the blood-thinners. i'd be a liar if i said i wasn't nervous about this whole thing. most likely, though, she'll end up back on them for life. if you're gonna roll the dice, you might as well stack the odds in your favor as much as you can.
on the poetry front, Brian McGettrick has accepted two of my poems (to not think of an elephant and Perspective from the 10,000 Foot View) for his guest-edited issue of remark. (which is due out sometime this spring or summer). i also will have a poem in C. Allen Rearick's guest-edited issue (a tangle of arms and hair), due out very soon, and will have two more poems (Sins of the Father and why i wish we never met) in a later, regularly edited issue sometime later this year.
also, i received word that one of the 18 poems i wrote for my wife about her ordeal, and our attempts at dealing with it, has been accepted by David Greenspan of Butcher Shop Press.
David wrote a diatribe lamenting the current state of poetry, and soliciting for poems that we "beautiful". i sent him a few of the poems about our recent issues, and told him that though "there might not be the beauty of a fucking daffodil in a field...or a goddamn sunset behind the smog of a forest fire...but i'll be damned if there isn't beauty in escaping death and coming out on the other side..."
he apparently agreed. the poem First Night Home was accepted and will appear in that issue.
other than this, there's nothing much else to report. the Guerilla Poetics Project is still going strong, with many new operative and 64 registered finds.
on the poetry front, Brian McGettrick has accepted two of my poems (to not think of an elephant and Perspective from the 10,000 Foot View) for his guest-edited issue of remark. (which is due out sometime this spring or summer). i also will have a poem in C. Allen Rearick's guest-edited issue (a tangle of arms and hair), due out very soon, and will have two more poems (Sins of the Father and why i wish we never met) in a later, regularly edited issue sometime later this year.
also, i received word that one of the 18 poems i wrote for my wife about her ordeal, and our attempts at dealing with it, has been accepted by David Greenspan of Butcher Shop Press.
David wrote a diatribe lamenting the current state of poetry, and soliciting for poems that we "beautiful". i sent him a few of the poems about our recent issues, and told him that though "there might not be the beauty of a fucking daffodil in a field...or a goddamn sunset behind the smog of a forest fire...but i'll be damned if there isn't beauty in escaping death and coming out on the other side..."
he apparently agreed. the poem First Night Home was accepted and will appear in that issue.
other than this, there's nothing much else to report. the Guerilla Poetics Project is still going strong, with many new operative and 64 registered finds.
13 February 2007
the verdict
well, the wife got her angiogram read by the pulmonologist.
everything is fully resolved!
however, she will remain on Coumadin for another 2 weeks (to make the treatment a full 6 months), just to be safe, then she'll have ultrasounds performed on her legs (to ensure that no clots are hanging out there, either) and if everything is clean we have a decision to make:
the doctor said she can either remain on Coumadin for life (which brings with it a 1% chance of bleeding to death) or she stop taking it (which brings about a 5% of a second clotting event). those percentages are pretty much even, so we really don't know what to do. the doctor, even, couldn't tell us. he said her case is unique in that she had no risk factors, and she was so young, so they'll have to play it by ear.
i think we're going to experiment with taking her off of Coumadin for a few weeks, get some genetic testing done to rule out those rare but serious disorders, then see how it goes.
i suppose the really good news about all of this is that the treatment worked and those massive clots in her lungs (she saw both angiograms -- the first one from 6 months ago and the one from yesterday -- and she said it was shocking how large the clots in her lungs were) are gone.
everything is fully resolved!
however, she will remain on Coumadin for another 2 weeks (to make the treatment a full 6 months), just to be safe, then she'll have ultrasounds performed on her legs (to ensure that no clots are hanging out there, either) and if everything is clean we have a decision to make:
the doctor said she can either remain on Coumadin for life (which brings with it a 1% chance of bleeding to death) or she stop taking it (which brings about a 5% of a second clotting event). those percentages are pretty much even, so we really don't know what to do. the doctor, even, couldn't tell us. he said her case is unique in that she had no risk factors, and she was so young, so they'll have to play it by ear.
i think we're going to experiment with taking her off of Coumadin for a few weeks, get some genetic testing done to rule out those rare but serious disorders, then see how it goes.
i suppose the really good news about all of this is that the treatment worked and those massive clots in her lungs (she saw both angiograms -- the first one from 6 months ago and the one from yesterday -- and she said it was shocking how large the clots in her lungs were) are gone.
12 February 2007
tapping veins
my wife got her angiogram this morning. they were finally able to tap one of her veins, and thusly inject her with the radiocontrast dye. she said it was a horrible feeling as the dye causes an instantaneous release of adrenaline, which causes the heart to race and the fight-or-flight response to kick in...but, just then, they stick you in a big tube and tell you lie still. paranoia and claustrophobia start to creep in (even if you aren't normally claustrophobic), and it gets really creepy.
also, the dye causes the blood vessels to warm up, and it's particularly noticeable around the urethra, so a few seconds after the injection you are convinced you just pissed yourself on the table.
BUT, the good thing is that the test is over. the films will be read by the pulmonologist this afternoon and we'll know what the next course of treatment is (be it continued blood-thinning therapy or not).
i'll update soon with what the pulmonologist finds.
on the poetry front, Guerilla Poetics Project found broadside #62 was just registered. we're averaging a find/register every three days. phenomenal!
also, the dye causes the blood vessels to warm up, and it's particularly noticeable around the urethra, so a few seconds after the injection you are convinced you just pissed yourself on the table.
BUT, the good thing is that the test is over. the films will be read by the pulmonologist this afternoon and we'll know what the next course of treatment is (be it continued blood-thinning therapy or not).
i'll update soon with what the pulmonologist finds.
on the poetry front, Guerilla Poetics Project found broadside #62 was just registered. we're averaging a find/register every three days. phenomenal!
10 February 2007
an update on the wife, and a little poetics
well, we've been having a bitch of time getting the wife the xray for her chest (actually, an CT angiogram, to be precise). Monday, we went in and it turns out we were supposed to have an appointment, yet were never told to set one up. so, we drove all the way to the hospital for nothing. fine, whatever. the doctor's appointment (to have the angiogram read) was also that day, so that had to be rescheduled. we set up a an appointment for the angiogram for yesterday (Friday) and the doctor's appointment for the reading for next Monday. yesterday, we go in and the nurses (3 different ones) were unable to tap a vein in Julee's arm. she has 5 pricks on each elbow pit and one on the underside of her right forearm. and, since she's on bloodthinners, they are bruised like she's some kind of heroin addict. she had to stop because it was hurting her so much. so, no dice on the angiogram once again.
she set up another appointment for Monday morning, then that afternoon (assuming all goes well) she will have the damn things read and we'll know where we stand. her veins are deep and she's always had a hard time when she tried to give blood, but this was ridiculous. anyway, we're hoping Monday will be different.
i just found out from Eric Dejaeger that he has uploaded my poem six pack and his translation of it here. i still haven't received my copies of the book Eric released. i'm afraid they have been lost in the mail.
she set up another appointment for Monday morning, then that afternoon (assuming all goes well) she will have the damn things read and we'll know where we stand. her veins are deep and she's always had a hard time when she tried to give blood, but this was ridiculous. anyway, we're hoping Monday will be different.
i just found out from Eric Dejaeger that he has uploaded my poem six pack and his translation of it here. i still haven't received my copies of the book Eric released. i'm afraid they have been lost in the mail.
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