we've been in this apartment about a month now and i've come to realize how good we had it at our house. i've forgotten just how shitty it is to be renting an apartment; living with all these other assholes, renting their apartments.
at this particular apartment complex each unit is given one covered parking space. it's nothing more than a flimsy corrugated sheet of tin propped up by poles. but, it does help keep the rain, sun and (in the winter) snow off the cars. my wife has to park in an uncovered spot (and it's not some chauvinistic thing, it's just that my care is newer and hers isn't, in case you were wondering).
anyway, upon arriving home from work today some cocksucker was parked in my parking spot. i saw a bunch of assholes and dick-knuckles loitering around my stairwell. i pulled right up behind the car and honked my horn four times. they looked over and didn't move, or act like anything they should be concerned about was going down. so, i found an uncovered parking spot, wrote a nasty little note on a slip of scrap paper that i always keep with me (just in case the muse strikes, you know?) and slipped it under the windshield wiper on my way in.
i watched out my window, about 15 minutes later, when two of the cocksuckers (one asshole and one dick-knucle, as it turned out) walked up to the offending car, got in and pulled out. what fucking gall. what moxy. jesus. well, the didn't see the note until they were almost out of the driveway, but i saw them grab it and read it. they laughed, then both stuck their hands out of their respective windows and flipped (i suppose me) off. real fucking funny, asswhipes. i hope it happens again. i'm pretty sure i can take them one at a time. first the asshole, then the dick-knuckle.
on the door of our apartment, too, was a notice from UPS saying they delivered a package for us to the office (a decent feature, I suppose). well, upon arriving at the fucking office, to pick up my package, the shitheads closed a few hours early. GREAT! this package contained my 401(k) rollover information from my previous company. i need to sign the document they are trying to send me and fax it to them by Monday. well, i could've had it all done today if it weren't for these piss-ants.
goddamn, i love living in this hellhole. i CANNOT wait for our house to be done. then we can leave this beloved apartment complex for all the assholes, dick-knuckles, pig-fuckers and cocksuckers to inhabit.
i guess i'm writing this to vent a little, but also because they say the pen is mightier than the sword. i don't agree, though. i sure would've liked to have taken a razor-sharp sword to the two punks and their piece of shit car. what the hell can my pen do? give them an ink stain? maybe write offensive words on their skin and clothing? fuck it. give me the sword.
4 comments:
Wow! justin, I'm not laughing at you...I'm laughing though because I DO remember when Bill and I lived in apartments and how obnoxious people were about parking spaces. And noise. And garbage. And a whole host of other things.
I'm also laughing because you have such a way with cursing! LOL...Dick Knuckles? I have never heard that one before. Pig Fuckers? I'm sorry. I just found those expressions funny.
Here's something that made me insane when we lived in apartments and we had to do wash in the basement. If I left the clothes alone, people would take my clothes out of the dryer before it was done and put their clothes in on my quarter! And once, someone took some of my shirts!
People suck. They really do.
Hope you are feeling better about this. Remind me one time to tell you what Bill did to the idiot paper boy who used to come into the parking lot, leave his windows open and his radio blaring at four-thirty in the morning! :) Well, okay, it's not such a big deal but I found it hysterical...he's throw pennies at him from the balcony attached to our bedroom. But not just throw them...wing them really hard. Bill enjoyed doing that very much. The idiot never caught on but the puzzled look on his face when he'd get his with pennies as he was getting into his car was a lot of fun!
Have a good weekend. Sounds like you need it. :)
Kat-
sorry about the cursing. i get so angry sometimes, you know? profanity helps me. but, yeah, apartments suck. i have another post going up soon to talk about it even more.
maybe i should've thrown pennies at those assclowns. that's funny, though. boy, there's so much to be said for living a house. so much.
justin,
I found the cursing funny. It's okay. You should hear me! Nice mouth on the Brownie Leader is what a friend of mine used to say!
I'll send you good vibes. :)
cool. glad i didn't offend. i picked up my dirty mouth from my parents (who are also from the Northeast). my mom can make most men blush.
Post a Comment