words dance

i received word that my poem an avalanche of suffering was accepted by words dance's guest editor, Jessica Mahlstedt, for issue #10; a print issue.

i've appeared in a few previous issues of words dance -- both online and in print -- in the past. it's a fine journal of poetry filled with quality poems. check out the website and subscribe/submit.

the diagnosis

well,
it appears there is nothing wrong with me (or my heart that is). the cardiologist said everything looked normal, the electrical pulses and sinus rhythm looked normal, the muscle appeared normal and strong. the only thing he noticed was the membrane between the left and right atria was thin and i potentially have something called a Patent Foramen Ovale (PFO) that 25% of adults have. it isn't life-threatening and things should be fine. there is still the possibility a small hole exists, but unless i have consistent symptoms there's nothing to worry about.

i am currently wearing a Holter Monitor (a 24-hour EKG device) in order to attempt to capture the bizarre and disconcerting arrhythmia that i experience. i will be taking a treadmill/stress EKG test on Monday and will follow up in two weeks to see if there is anything they find from these new tests.

it appears all the symptoms (apart from the arrhythmia) were due to stress and panic. i'm wondering if my wife's episode just 4 weeks ago played a part in this. now that she's well and back to normal i probably started to relax and all the emotions and pent up nerves and anxiety just flooded through my body causing my heart to race and i panicked.
i'm also prone to panic attacks and high anxiety. it's one of the fabulous Barrett traits along with a very big....well...nevermind.

anyway, it appears things are well.
for those of you hoping this was the end of justin.barrett, sorry suckas!it'll take more than a bum heart to get rid of this guy.

for those well-wishers out there, thank you!

i might have a weak heart, but there ain't no keeping this bastard down. for too long, at least.
ha!

i LOVE mail...and an eerily prescient title

in today's mail was a fine package from S.A. Griffin, venerable poet, artist, actor living in Los Angeles. in the package were a heft stack of his fabulous one-sheet journal MEAT, issue #10, with my poem our current president included. i'm honored to be included in issue #10. some great poems by Mr. Griffin, Ann Menebroker, Scott Wannberg, and others.

and, while reading through the previous posts on this blog (yes, i'm a vain egoist and i read my own posts from time to time), just before writing this, i noticed the eerily appropriate title to the post regarding my wife's own health issues: "the terror of your heart ripped from your solar plexis". it wasn't my heart that was ripped out during this ordeal, but a small hole.

my wife has that hole now. like e.e. cummings she carries my heart in her heart.

echo (updated)

i had my echocardiogram today. i won't find out the results until Friday morning, when i will see the cardiologist and he can give me the final diagnosis.

but, the echocardiogram is really fucking cool. first, the technician just searched around the front my chest, and we saw the pumps working and the valves flapping. then she went down around to the side of the chest and we saw the 4 chamber of the heart. she was even able to colorize it to see the blood flow.

then, she pulled out another instrument and we got to see my heart in 3D. and she was even able to take slices off of the 3D heart and view the inside, all the walls, the septa. it was insane. i've never seen anything like it.

also, it was all in real-time, so whatever my heart experienced could be seen on the screen. that was trippy.

before the whole echocardiogram began, the technician asked me what was going on, to get an understanding of what i was experiencing. she then asked me if there was any family history of heart problems, or any sudden deaths. i remember the ER doctor asking me the same thing when i was in there. i said no, because to the best of my knowledge there have been no heart problems in my family, either side. granted, we're not the closest of families and there are uncles i haven't seen in 20 years or more.

but, it just occured to me that my maternal grandfather died suddenly and unexpectedly when my mother was five. i'm terrified now that maybe he has some kind of heart condition. i know very little about the guy, other than his name, so it's possible he did have heart problems. i've asked my mother about it but haven't heard back from her yet.

anyway, Friday will be the day we find out the prognosis; and whether surgery will be necessary or not. i'll update when possible.

UPDATE: i heard back from my mother. my grandfather DID die of a sudden heart attack. "coronary thrombosis" was the official cause of death. FABU-fucking-LOUS! he was only 48, too. shit. i'm only 33, but that ain't too far off. so, i must inform my cardiologist of this, just to be safe. i hope that what i have is nothing related to what happened to him.
and now, i must attempt to remain calm for the next 40 hours; not gonna be easy.