i received the latest issue of remark. (#36) in the mail today. for those who might not know, remark. was an online journal of poetry i started back in 1998. i recently (late last year) decided to retire from being editor and handed over the reins to Kat. Kat has since turned the online journal into a print one. she's also done a great job, i think. i just hope she doesn't get as burnt out on it as i.
this issue included three of my own poems: 11.03.04 or the day after, eating mangoes, and of snowmen and hot chocolate. other poets include Chris Cefalu, Brian McGettrick, Michael Estabrook and Luis Cuauhtemoc Berriozabal. this issue also includes a neat broadside/postcard of a Michael Estabrook poem.
24 August 2005
23 August 2005
last day and closing
today was the last day at my job. it was a bittersweet day as i will miss many of the people with whom i worked. there are, of course, a number of people who will not be missed at all. but, i will never have to worry about that place again, and that's a great feeling.
today was also the closing of the sale of our house. it's a good feeling. once the buyers' loan funds, which should be Friday, we'll have our money in the bank and this chapter of our lives will be complete.
i wrote a little today. probably just a release from all the stress i've been keeping pent up the last six or seven months. an exhale of creativity.
only thing left, now, is the moving of all of our crap this weekend.
i will be without internet service from this Friday until the following Wednesday evening. this obviously means no updates here, but also no emails; so, if you don't hear from me in that time period it probably means i'm not ignoring you (though, that necessarily can't be discounted), and will get back with you once i get back online.
today was also the closing of the sale of our house. it's a good feeling. once the buyers' loan funds, which should be Friday, we'll have our money in the bank and this chapter of our lives will be complete.
i wrote a little today. probably just a release from all the stress i've been keeping pent up the last six or seven months. an exhale of creativity.
only thing left, now, is the moving of all of our crap this weekend.
i will be without internet service from this Friday until the following Wednesday evening. this obviously means no updates here, but also no emails; so, if you don't hear from me in that time period it probably means i'm not ignoring you (though, that necessarily can't be discounted), and will get back with you once i get back online.
22 August 2005
and life continues on...
well, i've calmed down a bit since yesterday evening's post. i had a few emails from some of you either wanting to know who the person was (and making some guesses of your own) or related some of your own "humans are the worst" stories. thank you for those.
but, life continues on...
the electrician came today to fix the electrical issue our swamp cooler was experiencing. well, being the non-technical, handi-less dolt that i am, it was nothing more than a simple blown fuse. you know, those old screw in kind that look like little light bulbs? hell, i didn't even know there was a fuse box in the basement. i only knew of the circuit breaker we have mounted to our outside wall. well, i felt like a moron; but the guy was nice enough. apparently, the motor in the swamp cooler is fried, and the electricity overloaded trying to make it work, thereby blowing the fuse. so, now the damn swamp cooler guy has to come back and replace the pump. lord have mercy! this BETTER be the end of it all.
tomorrow is a big day for yours truly. the buyers are having a final walk-through of the house. i hope they are ready to see a humongous mess: boxes stacked and scattered everywhere, in various states of filled; bags of junk and clothes and other crap piled everywhere; a broken, half-ripped-out ceiling fan; disassembled furniture. i hope they don't freak out.
then, tomorrow is my last day at my current job, the place i call Techson Medical Supply. it'll be a bittersweet departure: sad because i'll miss the people, but happy because i won't ever have to deal with the bullshit again. at least not at this place. i'm sure my new place has it's own brand of bullshit. but, new bullshit is better than old bullshit any day!
lastly, the closing of the sale of our house is tomorrow afternoon. a busy, busy day. after the closing, this are pretty much over. we just finish up with the repairs and packing and moving.
one good thing in my life is the impending, and quickly approaching, start to college football. have i mentioned i'm a football freak? well, i am. college football, in general, is my favorite. i can't wait. those Saturdays will make all the stress and anxiety be quickly forgotten.
but, life continues on...
the electrician came today to fix the electrical issue our swamp cooler was experiencing. well, being the non-technical, handi-less dolt that i am, it was nothing more than a simple blown fuse. you know, those old screw in kind that look like little light bulbs? hell, i didn't even know there was a fuse box in the basement. i only knew of the circuit breaker we have mounted to our outside wall. well, i felt like a moron; but the guy was nice enough. apparently, the motor in the swamp cooler is fried, and the electricity overloaded trying to make it work, thereby blowing the fuse. so, now the damn swamp cooler guy has to come back and replace the pump. lord have mercy! this BETTER be the end of it all.
tomorrow is a big day for yours truly. the buyers are having a final walk-through of the house. i hope they are ready to see a humongous mess: boxes stacked and scattered everywhere, in various states of filled; bags of junk and clothes and other crap piled everywhere; a broken, half-ripped-out ceiling fan; disassembled furniture. i hope they don't freak out.
then, tomorrow is my last day at my current job, the place i call Techson Medical Supply. it'll be a bittersweet departure: sad because i'll miss the people, but happy because i won't ever have to deal with the bullshit again. at least not at this place. i'm sure my new place has it's own brand of bullshit. but, new bullshit is better than old bullshit any day!
lastly, the closing of the sale of our house is tomorrow afternoon. a busy, busy day. after the closing, this are pretty much over. we just finish up with the repairs and packing and moving.
one good thing in my life is the impending, and quickly approaching, start to college football. have i mentioned i'm a football freak? well, i am. college football, in general, is my favorite. i can't wait. those Saturdays will make all the stress and anxiety be quickly forgotten.
21 August 2005
what is wrong with humans?
i know this is a ridiculous question, because the answer probably leans towards "what ISN'T wrong with humans?" but, my god.
i just had another falling out with another goddamn writer. the fourth in the last few years. why, you ask? too many fucking people with too much ego. too many people saying shit to me that they don't think i'll call them on, then when i do they get pissed. too many people not willing to admit to themselves that they AREN'T the most important thing in everybody else's lives. whatever.
i won't mention who the person is, but he'll read this (i'm certain of it, even though he said he would end all correspondence (ironically, in his penultimate email to me); his last email was 12 hours later that consisted of a poem of nothing more than my quotes on what i thought of him spliced together).
what precipitated the fall out, you ask? he made mention of the fact that he was looking to shop a new manuscript around. i said he should wait while his most recent one runs its course, get the most mileage out of his books, you know? he got pissed and said, "If you're not interested in publishing me, why should you care if someone else might be interested?"
i took that as a slam against my rejecting him in the past. then he said, "I guess you're not going to help out a friend, much like I have kept you in mind for things. I Gotta (sic) stop being so generous."
!!! oh, i don't think so, hombre!
that sure as hell put me in a rage. so, all the time he kept me in mind for things (which amounted to emails about possible anthologies and magazines) were only so that i might repay him by publishing him? oh no, i don't think so. fuck that.
well, i called him on it: "you are so damn self-absorbed. you helped me with some anthology outlets, so i'm supposed to spend my money to publish you?! get bent!"
that shit doesn't fly with me. you call me out, you better expect me to respond. this is the fourth fucking person to do this to me, in one way or another. and the fourth to get pissed after i called them on their comments. and you know what? my life has been easier with the other three out of my life.
he responded (in his email where he said he wouldn't talk to me anymore) that he wasn't self-absorbed. that he does all these nice things out of the kindness of his heart (despite what he said (and implied) in his email). yeah, sure. you're a fucking martyr.
further proof of his self-absorbed, drama-queen, prima donna attitude is the fact that he sent me an email (out of the blue) saying that he hates his life and he wants to die. oh, give me a fucking break. what the shit am i supposed to do with that? this is ultimate proof of the fact that he thinks the world revolves around him. oh no, poor little guy hates his life and instead of doing something about it, would rather email a person halfway across the country that he wants to kill himself. please!
now, i understand that everyone, ultimately, is selfish and self-absorbed. altruism is NOT a way to live. i don't expect him (or anyone) to do me favors, nor should anyone expect me to do favors for them. i understand this, but to say that you want to kill yourself (to someone you've never met, no less) is ultimately selfish (if not crazy).
anyway, fuck it. humans are too much to deal with. all i want to do is write and live my life, until i can do neither. i don't have the time, or empathy, to deal with this kind of bullshit. go find someone who gives a damn.
i just had another falling out with another goddamn writer. the fourth in the last few years. why, you ask? too many fucking people with too much ego. too many people saying shit to me that they don't think i'll call them on, then when i do they get pissed. too many people not willing to admit to themselves that they AREN'T the most important thing in everybody else's lives. whatever.
i won't mention who the person is, but he'll read this (i'm certain of it, even though he said he would end all correspondence (ironically, in his penultimate email to me); his last email was 12 hours later that consisted of a poem of nothing more than my quotes on what i thought of him spliced together).
what precipitated the fall out, you ask? he made mention of the fact that he was looking to shop a new manuscript around. i said he should wait while his most recent one runs its course, get the most mileage out of his books, you know? he got pissed and said, "If you're not interested in publishing me, why should you care if someone else might be interested?"
i took that as a slam against my rejecting him in the past. then he said, "I guess you're not going to help out a friend, much like I have kept you in mind for things. I Gotta (sic) stop being so generous."
!!! oh, i don't think so, hombre!
that sure as hell put me in a rage. so, all the time he kept me in mind for things (which amounted to emails about possible anthologies and magazines) were only so that i might repay him by publishing him? oh no, i don't think so. fuck that.
well, i called him on it: "you are so damn self-absorbed. you helped me with some anthology outlets, so i'm supposed to spend my money to publish you?! get bent!"
that shit doesn't fly with me. you call me out, you better expect me to respond. this is the fourth fucking person to do this to me, in one way or another. and the fourth to get pissed after i called them on their comments. and you know what? my life has been easier with the other three out of my life.
he responded (in his email where he said he wouldn't talk to me anymore) that he wasn't self-absorbed. that he does all these nice things out of the kindness of his heart (despite what he said (and implied) in his email). yeah, sure. you're a fucking martyr.
further proof of his self-absorbed, drama-queen, prima donna attitude is the fact that he sent me an email (out of the blue) saying that he hates his life and he wants to die. oh, give me a fucking break. what the shit am i supposed to do with that? this is ultimate proof of the fact that he thinks the world revolves around him. oh no, poor little guy hates his life and instead of doing something about it, would rather email a person halfway across the country that he wants to kill himself. please!
now, i understand that everyone, ultimately, is selfish and self-absorbed. altruism is NOT a way to live. i don't expect him (or anyone) to do me favors, nor should anyone expect me to do favors for them. i understand this, but to say that you want to kill yourself (to someone you've never met, no less) is ultimately selfish (if not crazy).
anyway, fuck it. humans are too much to deal with. all i want to do is write and live my life, until i can do neither. i don't have the time, or empathy, to deal with this kind of bullshit. go find someone who gives a damn.
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