the faux moral high ground (UPDATED)

today, we're going to learn about civility, folks.

there is an odd quality in some folks where they feel they can say or do anything and not deal with the repercussions. and some even get indignant at the fact that anyone else retaliates or gets angry at what they do.

let me posit an example:
say someone (we'll call him Steve) spits in another person's face (we'll call him Mark). Mark did nothing to provoke something as insulting as being spat in the face, yet Steve goes ahead and does it. Mark, as a result, gets angry and calls Steve a name (or spits back in his face, or clocks him one). Steve suddenly gets angry at Mark for reacting; for defending himself. Steve is aghast that Mark would even be upset at being spat at.
someone like Steve would say, "i'm sorry you're angry that i spat in your face." NOT "i'm sorry i spat in your face." the difference is huge. and it's telling of Steve's maturity level. in the first instance there is no real apology, merely more insults and aggression.

Steve has no right taking the moral high ground in this situation. yet, i've seen it happen a lot: at work, i've seen it happen amongst "alleged" friends, i've even had it happen to me (and recently). most of the people in this world understand we live in a civilized society, and are not Steves; but there are still enough Steves out there to make our lives miserable. we need fewer Steves and more Marks.
dissent is fine. argument is fine. but, when ad hominem and epithets start flying, it can get ugly; yet when the one who starts the ugliness suddenly becomes indignant that the other responds in kind we have chaos.

"you're stupid."
"well, you're ugly."
"why are you calling me ugly?"
"because you called me stupid."
"i can't believe you got mad at that."
"then apologize to me."
"i'm sorry you got mad that i called you stupid."
"that's not an apology."

i'm sure you've had experiences with Steves before, too.
all we can do is call them on their arrogance and rudeness, then cut all ties. life is far too short to deal with juvenile adults. it's hard enough dealing with mature adults.


UPDATE: in the above example, let's say Steve and Mark are carpenters and Steve, before the argument and subsequent spitting, told Mark that he respects Mark's abilities as a carpenter (and it was genuine). then, suppose, after Steve spat in Mark's face he goes back to his previous comment of "respecting" Mark, further driving Steve's indignation that Mark is upset at Steve. after all, he respects Mark.

well, i for one would hate to see how Steve would've treated Mark had he NOT respected him so.

i add this update because this is an important part of the faux moral high ground. a compliment will be paid just before, or during, an insulting or derogatory action to "lessen the blow", or to set up the oncoming indignation.

aren't people just the best?