on Monday, i had my stress/treadmill test at the cardiologists. the doctor said his initial impression is that everything is a-ok. my heart is healthy and strong. blood is flowing properly and sufficiently. i have an appointment with him in two weeks for the final verdict, but it appears all i have is an irregular heartbeat (my heart skips a beat every so often). this is called an ectopic heartbeat. it's benign and not life-threatening, but is quite startling and disconcerting when it occurs. a skipped beat feels like the heart has stopped, then kicks back into action. scary. i did get to see what it looks like on the EKG, and it's a two second flatline followed by a sharp spike of activity. wild.
unfortunately, this condition can be aggravated by certain foods and drinks, specifically caffeine and alcohol. both do affect my arrhythmia (making it more frequent) so i now have to curtail my intake of both.
however, the diagnosis is good news. certainly could've been worse.
but, back to the stress test. having lived a fully sedentary lifestyle the last year and a half, my body is NOT used to moving in any kind of aerobic way. so, running on a treadmill was a shock to my system. the point of the test is to get the heart rate up and push the body to exhaustion so that an echocardiogram can be taken at that point (the technician had only one minute after i dismounted the treadmill to get a complete echo of the heart; this was no easy matter, trust me). an echo of the heart at exhaustion can tell a lot more than one at rest. any problem is magnified. any irregularity is revealed.
well, it didn't take long at all for me to reach exhaustion. in a matter of three minutes i was huffing and puffing, my heart rate pushing past 200 bpm, sweat dripping off of me. THREE minutes! it was embarrassing.
and today, two days later, i'm so sore that i can barely walk. pathetic.
it's so embarrassing and pathetic, that i've decided to finally get up off my bony ass and start working out. soon, i'll be taut and lithe. not really, but i'll at least be able to last longer than three minutes. that's the plan, at least.
three minutes.
man, how disappointing. i guess i know how my wife feels, now: unfulfilled, unsatisfied, left wanting. there's only so much one can do in three minutes.
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18 comments:
thanks, Owen.
it goes without saying that i'm happy with the diagnosis.
and it's funny, i am skinny but with a belly. my %fat would put me in the obese range, but i look skinny as all get out. the only thing is all my fat is right in my belly. arms and legs are skinny. weird.
as for running around me until i tire, that would be a good tactic, however even winded i would kick your ass! :)
it won't be fair once i get into shape.
justin,
you already know this...I started dieting and moving again in July. It gets easier! I've lost ten pounds...I can see and feel that my legs are stronger. You'll be so happy in a few weeks when it becomes part of your normal routine. I mean, I've still got a long way to go but I've been doing yoga, riding my bike (Well, not since we got to NC) but I've been doing at least ten minutes of some sort of movement since July and it's much easier as you keep going.
I am really glad you don't need surgery! Yay!
Great news!
Skinny with a belly -- that's me, too! Over the last couple of years I have put on a stack of weight, but it's all in the gut.
PS. I got my 16th consecutive rejection from Bathtub Gin yesterday! Woohoo! I'll get in next time; nobody rejects Glenn W. Cooper 17 times in a row ...
Glenn,
16 times? Really? I think we've gone over this before but if I get rejected, I rarely have the nerve to send something again. You guys are brave! :)
Glenn,
i believe the original quote is:
"Nobody rejects Glenn W. Cooper 16 times in a row." don't think i didn't notice the surreptitious amendment! :)
Kat,
it's not nerve. it's stupidity. :) and Glenn and i are full of it. ha! :)
Glenn,
back to you again. funny how we both put on weight just around the gut. it's an odd thing to see. luckily i only have to look at it from above. my poor wife has to see it from all angles. now THAT'S unfortunate.
jesus allah buddha – 3 minutes – practically a feckin marathon mate (in all things, wink wink nudge nudge)
red wine apparently thins the blood, it’s the reason why I drink so much of it - maybe like me you can psychologically fool yourself into thinking that by drinking a couple of bottles you are actually doing your body a favour.
glad the ticker is tick tocking.
Well, I guess if they keep rejecting Glenn there is NO hope for me. At all. :)
justin, stupid? Nah. I don't believe it.
:)
Brian-
yeah, i keep telling my wife 3 minutes is great. she isn't convinced, but i am! :)
Karl-
just remember: Nobody rejects Karl Koweski 866 times in a row. Nobody!
Casey-
man, you're just a young pup. you've got a long way to go. look at Karl.
Kat-
oh yeah. we is stoopid.
actually my Bathtub Gin rejections always say "the issue is full at this time" which i guess is a kind way of putting it ... it's code for "stop sending this shit."
since Karl has the market on ugly women cornered, i'll go ahead and call dibs on the pretty ones.
if you are a pretty woman, or know of any pretty women, go ahead and give me a call.
Glenn,
that's not a bad euphemism. i don't mind it when an editor says that (especially when it's actually true).
An even nicer way of saying it:
There's alot to be admired in the group you sent, but unfortunately I decided to pass on this group. The poetry for the next issue of Gin is focusing on western Pennsylvania writers and the following issue will include multiple poems by a fewer number of contributors.
goddamn it - it’s the near misses that drive me to drink, oh and the above reasoning too.
one all Casey.
Karl even the ugly ones are just using you ;)
Glenn,
When I first started writing and submitting again, after my 20 year writing vacation, one of my first rejections was from Bathtub Gin...I never sent them another submission, though.
:)
And you do NOT write shit! None of you do!
How weird...the little code I had to type in said
NJMEOWNY
Odd...
bmcg,
that's a good one. yes, the near misses are always rough. i've had a few come back that said i made the first few cuts but just missed the final cut. argggh. then i keep thinking, what if i had sent this one, or this one?
Kat,
you should keep trying. who knows if another isn't more apt to land?
and it's true: NJ does MEOW NY. :)
weird.
the one i have to type in reads "rearickisgay".
i wonder if it means something?
NJ Meows NY....what the hell does that mean? You know I have no life because that is what I've spent the morning thinking about. While I was learning "Food Safety" at Kroger's this morning...I kept thinking about it!
I am now part of the Kroger Bakery Team. HELP!!!!!!
As long as you're not packing or eating Spinach, you're all right, Kat.
Yeah, Slipstream & Bathtub Gin, been denied every time there, but don't actually count the times.
fktnotc
(that's I had to type to send the message, a dirty word, fucked, not, see)
Luis,
Yes, the Spinach thing was the buzz at the store this weekend. I baked...thousands of cookies, bagels, pies, croissants, scones...you name it...I freakin' baked it. I may never eat bakery products again. Yuck!
fknotc! What is with these weird codes...
Cookies? Send some this way.
I need something for my coffee.
Yes, these codes are weird sometimes, random letters which would drive the paranoid mind to go off on delusions of persecution.
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