05 August 2006

that's a bit personal, isn't it?

i've been thinking about posting on this for awhile, now.
so here goes:

as you may or may not know, the wife and i live in Utah. and, as you may or may not know, Utah is a VERY child-rich state (meaning there are more children than adults). i believe the average age in Utah is 26, and this isn't due to the fact that there are no old people. it's due to the fact that most of our population is under the age of 15 (i'm serious).
anyway, the wife and i (as you may or may...) also have decided to NOT have children. there are various and numerous reasons for this, but they are personal. who's business is it, anyways, if we're going to have children or not. but, for some reason, there seems to be certain things -- personal things -- that aren't personal, or at least people think shouldn't be personal; things that can be asked about out in the open. our breeding status happens to be one of them, apparently.

the moment someone hears that we've decided not to have children they are impelled to ask us why. "Oh, why? Why aren't you going to have children?" they say; almost as if we MUST have children to validate the fact that they did. or as if we're out of our fucking minds for not wanting kids. either way, too fucking bad. we're not here to validate your bad decisions, nor are we here to defend any of ours.

"Oh, why? Why wouldn't you want children?"
i gotta tell you, i am so tempted to look at the questioner's umpteen kids -- invariably running amok and causing havoc -- point at them and say, "That's why!"
but the thing is, it's no one's goddamn business WHY we've decided to not have kids. i don't go up to people and ask them WHY they had theirs. i don't go up to an ugly couple, their 6 obese, ugly kids eating dirt and dismembering each other, and say, "Why in all that is holy did YOU TWO decide to have kids?" but, whenever anyone sees a 30-something, married couple without kids, they MUST ask. and by asking they are implying that there is something wrong with us.

and so fucking what if there were? so what? that's our business. some things are personal, and should remain so.

but the worst is when they condescend to us and tell us that "we'll change our minds"; as if we're some fucking immature teenagers who don't know any better, who aren't capable of making a right decision for themselves. "Oh, you'll change your mind as you get older." like our lives will suddenly become meaningless without precious fucking kids in our lives. NEWSFLASH, asshole -- we didn't just come up with this plan on a whim, while drunk one night:

"You know what, honey *burp* i don't think i want any kids."
"That's a marvelous idea. *hiccup* pass me another beer wouldja?"

so, if it's not prying into our personal lives, it's a patronizing tone about how we're obviously mistaken about our choices and will soon come to our senses.
*warning, sarcasm ahead*
oh man, i hope the wife and i snap out of this immature phase we're in. and before it's too late and we end up regretting our entire lives.
*end sarcasm*
FUCK YOU and your fucking condescension!

NOTE TO ASSHOLES: if you really want to know the real reason we don't want to have kids, it's because we grew up with you halfwits, went to school with you, watched you proliferate and breed, even become managers and bosses and we really don't want any of our offspring to have to grow up in a world that allows such injustice, and then go to school and socialize with your serial-killers-in-the-making spawn.

just kidding; you're not all halfwits.
some of you are considerably less witted than half.

11 comments:

Kat said...

justin,

I have to be quick on this but I say- More power to you! I think that all of what you said is true. People should NOT stick their nose in like that. I think it's beyond rude. Bill and I chose to have kids but we would NEVER tell someone they would change their minds or that they should have them.

I have more to say on this but I've got a lot going on.

Just know-I agree with you. How freakin' rude people are!

:)

Anonymous said...

you liberals..

don't you know it's your God-Demanded Imperative to fill His Glorious Creation with Junior Spies?

don't you silly commie loving hippies understand that without an army of Giant Savage Freak Babies, Dear Leader will be unable to realize his plans for unabated Abortion Vengance?

you better get right, childless sickos, and start pumping out little burdens on society, small consumers of trinkets and prayers, and purchasers of Genuine Slivers from the One True Cross.

or in Mormonland, a tepid watered down near-beer and a handful of generic quaaludes gets you fifteen servants and ten wives, so maybe that's the path for you guys...

good luck, childless abberations.

christopher cunningham said...

grrr...I tried to stop him..

me and cynthia TOTALLY AGREE! we've made the same decisions inre: kids, but we've also taken it to the next level by refusing even to get married. 16 years, NO CEREMONY. fuck that stuff, I say. I need a piece of paper to prove something to WHOM? I need a kid so I can what, feel COMPLETE? bullshit on that brothers and sisters. this is a world to bring kids into?

prove it to me.

and also, when did our society become entirely KID-CENTRIC and FAMILY-ORIENTED? I mean, shit, aren't we a nation of ADULTS first? why the fuck is it that everything must be considered thru the lens of CHILDREN? I don't care about your fucking kid's goddamn problems; THEY ARE THE PARENT'S FAULT ANYWAY. so if we have a society of apathetic ignorant "less than half wits," how do we expect anything but fat stupid kids with no dreams, imagination, etc?

I'll tell you how: we don't.

j.b said...

Kat-
people are the worst. rude is the new way of the world. prying is the new "live and let live".

El Bastardo-
ha!

CC-
good for you guys. the wife and i are actually SERIOUSLY discussing a divorce. for the simple reason that if you are married, have double income and no kids (affectionately called DINKs) then you get TAXED to the hilt. being divorced (with no common law) then we could file separately and keep most of our money. sad.
and how we have become so fucking kid-obsessed, i have no idea. good point. it's a sad fucking state of affairs. and you should see it here, man. ask your sister. it's unreal.

BMcG said...

j

I am incredibly jealous – not over the have, have not kids thing - but because of all the golden opportunities you have when those arseholes ask you why you don’t have kids

“we don’t have kids cause I lost one testicle and half the other in a freak pubic hair shaving accident.”

jesus mate the possibilities are endless – go forth and have some fun.

Anonymous said...

re what Karl said: I just finished a good book called "Honey, We Lost the Kids", which is all about the -- for lack of a better word -- "adultisation" of our children.

J -- it's worse having no kids AND not being married: then you're GAY!

j.b said...

Karl-
yeah, i see, too, where children are being "forced" to grow up much too early. this is true. and sad.

and obviously not everyone is a total dick. it only seems as if they are. in Utah, the percentage is much higher i'm sure.

BMcG-
oh man, i am definitely going to go for the guilt thing next time.

next time they ask i'll get a tear in my eye, then tell them the long drawn out story of how my circumcision was botched when i was a baby and am unable to father children and have felt incomplete ever since. then start bawling. damn, that's gonna be sweet.

Glenn-
funny. no kids, no wife. yeah, you're definitely gay!

Casey-
well, the real reason i don't have any kids is because when i was a baby adn they were performing my circumcision...

Anonymous said...

My kids and my grandkids are such a joy to me I have to admit I did ask that awful question of My Favorite Poet because he and Cynthia are so wonderful with their nephews I just wondered if they wanted kids but instead I got a tongue lashing (same speech you just gave J.B.) in response so I've learned my lesson, thank you!

And, by the way, saved myself some grief by not even going there with my other daughter. TO EACH HIS OWN IS MY NEW BEST MOTO.

Luis said...

J.B.

One of my oldest sisters has been married for more than 20 years and she and her husband have no children and they seem happy and
at ease. On mother's day, my
dad once sent her flowers, he
reasoned they had a dog, a cat,
birds, and fishes...

I'm like Glenn, but I'm not gay.

At work the older married women ask me when I'm getting married, and I usually tell them my standards are too high, or I would, but then they're already taken.

Like I've told you before, I'm the guardian to my nephew. I'm like a father to him and he's like a son to me. I don't feel like I'm missing out in regards to children.
As for marriage...the only girl I wanted to marry is gone...which gives me more material for that elusive thing called love...

Anonymous said...

It's so bad in Utah that even when you have kids the questions come. Apparently, having just one child with no plans for another is reason for concern.

j.b said...

it really is bad here. like Daniel said, even having only one kid is abnormal.

as for the divorce thing, it's merely in discussion phase right now. i doubt we'll actually do it. but, the fact that we end up subsidizing all these psychos with 5 and 6 and 7 kids is just too much to bear. ugh.