i had my echocardiogram today. i won't find out the results until Friday morning, when i will see the cardiologist and he can give me the final diagnosis.
but, the echocardiogram is really fucking cool. first, the technician just searched around the front my chest, and we saw the pumps working and the valves flapping. then she went down around to the side of the chest and we saw the 4 chamber of the heart. she was even able to colorize it to see the blood flow.
then, she pulled out another instrument and we got to see my heart in 3D. and she was even able to take slices off of the 3D heart and view the inside, all the walls, the septa. it was insane. i've never seen anything like it.
also, it was all in real-time, so whatever my heart experienced could be seen on the screen. that was trippy.
before the whole echocardiogram began, the technician asked me what was going on, to get an understanding of what i was experiencing. she then asked me if there was any family history of heart problems, or any sudden deaths. i remember the ER doctor asking me the same thing when i was in there. i said no, because to the best of my knowledge there have been no heart problems in my family, either side. granted, we're not the closest of families and there are uncles i haven't seen in 20 years or more.
but, it just occured to me that my maternal grandfather died suddenly and unexpectedly when my mother was five. i'm terrified now that maybe he has some kind of heart condition. i know very little about the guy, other than his name, so it's possible he did have heart problems. i've asked my mother about it but haven't heard back from her yet.
anyway, Friday will be the day we find out the prognosis; and whether surgery will be necessary or not. i'll update when possible.
UPDATE: i heard back from my mother. my grandfather DID die of a sudden heart attack. "coronary thrombosis" was the official cause of death. FABU-fucking-LOUS! he was only 48, too. shit. i'm only 33, but that ain't too far off. so, i must inform my cardiologist of this, just to be safe. i hope that what i have is nothing related to what happened to him.
and now, i must attempt to remain calm for the next 40 hours; not gonna be easy.
13 comments:
yeah, the echo is pretty amazing, isn't it? i've had several over the years, though i tend not to look at the screen. i like to keep my eyes closed.
i made my appointment with the cardiologist, but i can't get in until March next year. oh well.
i don't think coronory thrombosis would be related to your condition. but i could be wrong -- it happened once before. ;)
it really is fascinating, Glenn.
i, too, didn't want to look, but the technician and my wife kept oohing and aahing...i had to look. i'm glad i did.
i hope you're right, Glenn. i have no idea what coronary thrombosis is. a thrombosis is a blood clot (i believe) so a coronary one would be one in the heart, maybe? or in one of the veins or arteries leading to it? weird.
she could be mistaken, too, on the actual cause of death as she was only 5 when it happened. and the coroner could've been wrong, again, because it was the mid 50s and medical science wasn't necessary "advanced" at that time.
either way, it wasn't good hearing that. though, to be honest, the most likely cause of death due to what i have -- at my age -- is a stroke due to a blood clot in the brain. so, i suppose if my grandfather had died of a stroke, then that would be much more terrifying.
justin,
I know it's hard to remain calm during stuff like this but I am sending you calming, good vibes.
:)
The echo thing reminds me sort of a sonogram. Like I had with each kid. With Griffin, we thought there was a problem. His egg sac thinger was oddly shapped and because I was 36 they sent me to this specialist. They could measure the skin on the back of his neck!!! Isn't that wild? He turned out fine but I have to say, it was the longest nine months of my life. The whole time, I was sure he was not okay. But it turned out fine. Right now, he's out in the yard being a night with a foam sword and a pot lid for a sheild. :)
I guess what I mean to say is- I am sure it will work out okay. :)
a Knight....Duh, me. As always, kids zooming around, dog barking...Can't think...
'tis true, Casey, that we all are going to die eventually and there are certain inherent risks with living. always have been.
but i disagree with you on the "when it's your time, it's your time" thing. smacks too much of divine mumbo-jumbo, destiny bullshit. if i were to get hit by a car stepping off a curb, that means it was my time? but, what if i had turned, instead, to walk into a store? would the ceiling have collapsed at that moment because it was "my time"?
nah.
as for inherent risks, i understand that. we all do. we live with them. we rarely think about it, but we know they are there and we accept them.
like you said, that odds of you walking out of your house and getting beaten to death because your gay are very high. for me, they're very low, but i'm not gay.
could i have a terrible auto accident driving to work and die on the scene? sure. any of us could. it's part of the deal.
but, the worst is when you get a new wrinkle added into that deal. especially when you're as young as i am (i'm only 33).
i'll come to terms with it, and learn to accept it, much like all the other risks and dangers we live with.
it's just shocking and scary when it first comes to light.
much like when you came out of the closet and realized you now have a better chance of getting gay-bashed. it sucks, and it was scary i'm sure, but you learned to live with it.
right, Casey?
it's not the ease of dying. death is easy. life carried with it a 100% mortality rate. it's not the easy that scares me. it's the suddenness of it.
that's the scary part.
"i don't want to achieve immortality through my work, i want to achieve it through not dying." -- woody allen
:)
casey -- be proud of your gayness! you know it's okay. ;)
casey,
i've thought long an hard (ooops...now don't go getting all excited about those two words) about destiny and all that divinity bullshit.
i don't think our conversation would last long. not much to discuss. destiny is the human mind trying to make sense out of chaos and pain. religion is the construct built around it. it's useless mumbo-jumbo in my book.
then again, most of my books are useless mumbo-jumbo, too, so go figure.
i love woody allen. hilarious. i'd never heard that quote, but i agree with it 100%.
"i did a speed reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia." - Woody again.
(My personal favourite)
there is a great scene in the Last Temptation of Christ when the Zealots come to Lazarus who has just been raised by Jesus and they ask him
Lazarus, what was death like
and Lazarus replies
much like life
I like that idea. the Zealots then kill Lazarus – I haven’t read the book (always mean to) but I think maybe the idea is that Lazarus was supposed to be dead – Jesus does not return to raise him again. Is there a book with my name in it and a date I’m supposed to show up on – I don’t know. I think that there is too much of an attempt to know or rather give an absolute – there is too much claiming to know the mind of God and not enough simple faith – faith allows questions, absolutes do not – faith can not have prejudices of any kind, absolutes are prejudices - one of the greatest crimes religion has committed is to convince people that it is faith. I do not know how much of a role God plays in our existence, did he create and then sit back, is he compelled to assist when asked through prayer, I don’t know.
so Casey I’ll out myself here – I have faith (not a religion) I believe in God and the only reason I can offer, and I know this will satisfy no one, is instinct.
j, luck with everything, hope the result is as good as it can be.
Casey-
even though i'm wrong. i know your only joking, but this is precisely the reason i hate religionists. because they are so DAMN SURE that there is a god when there exist not a single shred of evidence. not one.
i am a devout atheist. i was raised catholic but all that christian mumbo-jumbo did nothing for me. drinking the blood of christ, eating the flesh of christ. whatever.
it's nothing more than mysticism dressed in knowledge. religion is the answer to the unknowable (at the time) questions of nature from another time. science has answered most of the questions and religion turned out to be wrong.
i know you say you're not a religionist, but have faith. what is faith, i ask you? a blind belief? a belief in the existence of something for which there is no evidence of it's existence? sounds foolish to me, but that's fine. i certainly ain't trying to change no minds, just gather more answers.
and, in the end, it doesn't matter. not one lick of it, because we all die and afterwards there's nothing.
you got, you got something for me?
what exactly is that, bro? :)
casey,
don't be intellectually lazy now, the onus to supply proof is on the one who claims something.
it is scientifically and logically IMPOSSIBLE to prove the non-existence of something.
sorry, your theory doesn't fly.
just try to prove that pink elephants DON'T exist. impossible.
therefore, the burden is upon the believer. the default is non-belief.
simple scientific principles there.
there is NO FAITH involved in the lack of belief of a god. none whatsoever. i don't have FAITH that a god doesn't exist. he doesn't exist until someone proves he does.
just as BIGFOOT doesn't exist until someone proves he does. UFOs, Loch Ness monster, Bermuda Triangle all fall in the same category. the default in non-belief; not a faith in non-existence. different thing altogether.
anyhoo.
next.
CAR:
the pic is up...
and the vid to follow...
hopefully
pix and video available at gpp.blogspot...
and one from me too...
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