I am sitting here drinking cold coffee in the oppressive Georgia heat. the crickets are a staccato chorus outside my broken windowpanes, their chatter vibrating thru my heavy mind. I press the cracked skin of my fingers against my red eyes. no relief from any of it.
I need to say a few things. the world is a terrible place, mostly, filled with venom and ugliness, laden with burden after impossible burden, there is never any mercy for any of us really. there are only moments of no struggle, no screaming, moments where we can catch our breath and try to find the reason to go on, try to find the reason to keep swinging even as we realize the futility of fighting.
in a world like that it makes no sense to do deliberate harm to another human being who is really alive, one who burns with the fire, one who truly believes that it is possible to find a way thru the madness and grief. and that is what I've done, in my exchange with Owen. I gave over to the miserable, basest portion of my Sicilian nature, and instead of accepting the opinion of another as something different from mine, yet still valid, and moving on with my life, I chose to be a smarmy, smartassed prick. no matter what theeffects said to me in regards to my letter/post, I responded poorly.
so: first and foremost, I do not think that Owen Roberts is a hack. I do not think him to be in any way shape or form a bad writer. rather, I think his poetry is strong, honest, and very real. and most of all, I raise my glass to any motherfucker with the GUTS to write poetry in such a vapid place as America Version 2006. theeffects has the guts and the will to keep standing up again each time the poem calls, and he does it as well as anyone, and better than most.
it is wrong of me to provoke someone, which is exactly what I did. I knew I was pushing buttons, and then when I got the response I sought, I acted even more snarky. I misunderstood theeffects "threat" of "kicking my ass," and reacted as I would had a real threat been made against me, as I'm sure anyone would in a similar circumstance. so there is no need for any "law" nor any "ass kicking." instead, I propose that I be LESS INCLINED TO FREAK OUT IN THE FUTURE in all situations. hopefully a deep breath, a cup of coffee and a smoke (h/t to Kat), and a more calm rational assesment of the actual nature of the problem at hand will yield more productive results for this high-strung poet.
okay. I've been "long winded" again (sorry, Owen) but felt this needed to be said. I was wrong for my part in this, I overreacted, and I never wanted to disparage ANYONE who faces the misery and pain of this savage life with the aplomb necessary to turn it into poetry. and that is what we are about here, all of us.
and on a personal note to theeffects: "what? are you kidding? we got ourselves a family here..." and I hope this little corner of the small press can continue its bold assault on the ranks of REAL HACKS and ACADEMIC FRAUDS and those too afraid to live, too afraid to burn.
thanks for reading.
**cross posted at Upright Against the Savage Heavens**
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18 comments:
holy fuck.
i'm gone 2 days and eveything just unravels.
this is the most excitement this blog has seen since...well, ever.
passions run high in the creative fields. hell, they run high in just about any field (ever see two physicists argue about Higgs field theory as it relates to the Big Bang? trust me, it isn't pretty. though, to be honest, there's more math involved).
i think the problem with wordsmiths arguing via internet communication is the tendency for sarcasm, satire or humor to be misconstrued (i've had my own problems with this in the past). also, wordsmiths tend to know more words and have better ways of crafting insults and pushing buttons.
anyway, this is a small community of great writers. i'm honored that some of the best writers i know are a part of this blog. some of the best writers i've ever read come here.
and if we can't survive a few vollied criticisms (intentional or not) then we aren't worth our weight in salt.
you are exactly right j.b. I think, and the girl pointed this out to me, that if theeffects and I'd been face to face, none of this would have happened. much like playing online poker, I cannot pick up any "tells," and only have "betting patterns" to make decisions from, whereas if I'm sitting across from someone at a table, I can "read" them, I can "translate" their body language, there are many more clues available for deciphering.
simply put, I overreacted, and then he responded exactly as I'd hoped when I said the things I said, even after the sarcasm and wry humor had given way to name calling and snide wankery.
anyway, I too think it great that the "best writers" come here. and I certainly don't want there to be any reason why we can't fully express ourselves, free from such vitriol. I won't be so hot tempered in the future, rest assured. there are real problems in the world and a conversation about poetic process isn't one of em.
our anthology for homeless vets project is, for example. and I'll be writing you an email today/tomorrow with more that I've come up with.
and who said there's no math involved in sarcastic retort?
I'd have to look up the formula.
thanks.
hey, I have a headache too.
goodnight, El Hacko the Magnificent...
Owen,
I'm looking forward to seeing that anthology. Checked out your words on Laura Hird dot com. Hey, you into Wall of Voodoo? Love that song & video of Mexican Radio.
"...eating BBQ Iguana."
well...
get yer voodoo on and for whipping purposes only.
enjoy.
Owen:
As a teenager, I remembered those bands, the "new wave." Freedom of Choice was the fourth album I ever bought. I remember the first five records I ever bought. In '79 I bought the Doors (first album because I liked Light My Fire) & Emotional Rescue from the Stones (because it was new), the Beatles (a greatest hits compilation because it was 3.99 & I dug them), and Freedom of Choice by Devo because of those trippy hats & songs. The fifth (Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers) because of that Refugee song.
Yeah, Laura Hird is fine person & has so many poets and writers on her sight. So much to read there.
sight? site.
The first record I ever bought with my own money was Meatloaf, Bat Out of Hell! :)
The first record I stole from my oldest brother was Physical Graffiti! :) I still have it!
Don't you miss old records? With the pop and the hiss!
And typewriters. I learned to type on a manual. I know I'm older than most of you. You cannot imagine how much it HURT to type at first. And the bells! You had to set the bells to the margin you wanted to know when to hit the carriage thinger back!
That's it. I'm finding an old manual! I miss the bells! And I'm finding a turn table, too!
I type on an IBM electric, but I have about ten old manuals in varying states of disrepair/working order. I love em. nothing better than the sound of "the machine gun.."
and records? shit I still have a ton. no record player though. but it is possible these days to take yer old LP's and modernize em into formats you can use, ipod, etc...
maybe someday I'll do it myself.
Why did I ever give up my IBM Selectric! I loved that thing. With the little ball of letters inside! Even the noise of that was great!
I have all my old records, too, Chrstopher! I just have no turn table. Maybe one day soon!
:)
Chris,
You do have a turntable and a 8-track player in my stereo in the garage. Just need to get it working. We also SHOULD have all our old records - 45's and 74's (I think they are 74's) (correct me if I'm wrong)
Kat - are you too young to remember 8-tracks?
Mom C- I wish I was too young to remember 8 tracks! I had this helmet like thing that you stuck the plastic thingers into! :) I was about 8 or so. It was very meet-George-Jetson-ish.
Is it 78s you are talking about. The real old ones that are really thick? Or is it the ones that were like 33 or something?
Kat
It was the 33 1/3's and 78's - man, how long ago that was. I remember buying my first 45 record and it was Love Me Tender by - who else - the King.
don't recall a "helmet like thing" can you describe further? Are you talking about the disks that converted the 45's so that they fit the 33 1/3 post on the turntable??? Or was it an 8-track player??
mom, please...
they make SLICK turntables these days, components that DJs use, very nice, sound excellent. I appreciate the antique charm of the beastly huge stereo that lives in my garage, but really...for listening?
nope.
Hey, your grandma and grandpa gave me that and I would listen to it in place of any newfangled turntable anyday, and remember them in doing so. And if you call a very nice piece of furniture beastly, well then,you and I need to talk. Have a little respect, child!
hehehe, as you would put it.
Mom C,
It was the 8 track player. It looked kind of like a helmet. Sort of like a space helmet. :)
And I do remember those little disks for the 45's! I inherited a box of 45's from my brother or maybe one of my sisters. And it had all these old 45's that I loved. But of course, if it was my oldest sister she kept all the Elvis ones for herself!
Sunday afternoons, my dad ruled the turntable and we listened to Ernest Tubb, Patsy Cline and Johnny Cash. :)
My mom loved Englebert Humperdink! And Tom Jones. What's new Pussycat, whoa, whoa, whoa. She also loved the Andrew Sisters and all that very cool Swing Music.
There were so many kids in my family that I got, probably because I was the last one, an amazing musical education just going from the family room to our bedrooms upstairs!
Oh, and can't forget Grandma Emma's Lawrence Welk! Every Sunday night! :)
Wow. I feel a little old!
I really do miss the hiss and pop.
I would LOVE one of those old, huge stereos! It took up the entire back wall of the dining room in our house!
Mom C:
We have several eight-track players at my house & I do have eight-track cassettes: I'm 39. We even have a reel player. My dad loved all gadgets, but he never got into computers. We have a few record players.
KAT:
Physical Graffiti, I had that record, and someone stole it. Where you ever in California?
My older sister has that Bat Out of Hell record. She liked the Meatloaf & had the Rocky Horror Picture Show Soundtrack w/the Loaf & Tim Curry singing & other acts.
CC:
I have tons of records. Wish I had the time to listen to them all the time. From Robert Johnson to the Clash. I just recently bought a Coltrane record for 50 cents. I still haven't had the time to hear it. I think Cannoball Adderley is on it too.
Kat,
"Space Helmet" - cool, never saw one of those. Wow, my mind is flooded with some great memories of Engleburt, Tom Jones, Neil Diamond (Cracklin Rosie)and so many others. Makes me want to get in that garage and retrieve what I can just to say I still have them -hopefully my kids have not done away with them. My youngest loves Swing and can dance to that with the best of them. My husband and I were very good Jitterbug dancers in our day - but, alas, we have slowed down. No more American Bandstand for us.
My stereo is exactly like you said-it takes up an entire wall-love it!!! My youngest wants it in her dining room to use as a buffet and wants to get it working so she can use it - a girl after my own heart I must say.
Luis,
We have our own 8mm movies and movie projector and screen and have inherited my inlaws 8mm movies and projector. What a blast it would be to watch all those old movies again.
Thanks, guys, for the memories - wait, was that a Frank Sinatra song??? It nice to know that you youngerters enjoy all that OLD stuff too.
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