i recently saw the movie Factotum, based on Charles Bukowski's book of the same name. the young actor who played Henry Chinaski (the alter ego hero of Bukowski's writings), one Matt Dillon, did a fairly fine job. He has a bright future ahead of him in the movies i think. i wouldn't be surprised to see him more often.
one thing that confused me was Chinaski, as played by Dillon, was left-handed in the movie. lefties are always shocking to us righties (i mean, when you give someone a pen to write something down and they start writing with their left hands, you can't tell me that shocks you...it's not natural). i was unaware that Chinaski/Bukowski was a lefty. if not, then Dillon did a horrible job portraying Chinaski. if you're any kind of an actor you switch your dexterity based upon the character you're inhabiting. it's rule #1 in acting. or possibly rule #2. i'm not real sure.
one last thing about the movie is Lily Taylor and Marisa Tomei are also in it. and Ms. Tomei is nekkid, for you horndogs out there. it's a fine movie, a bit slow and without much plot (the hallmark of Bukowski novels), but worth the $6 on PPV.
the other day i received the two newest broadsides of the Guerilla Poetics Project. these are broadsides #5 and 6. i plan on going out this weekend to stick them in books around the Salt Lake Valley. i've mentioned the GPP here before, so don't make me do it again (though i will). visit the site, read the manifesto, see what it is all about. then, if you like what you read and agree with our philosophy, purpose and tactics, join us!
i received word from Eric DeJaeger in Belgium that my bilingual chapbook, the uncertainty principle, will be out soon. it will feature a bunch of my short poems in English and their French translations as interpreted by Mr. DeJaeger. i am very excited about this book and will update when it is released, which shouldn't be long.
and, lastly, i haven't spoken very much lately about Hemispherical Press as i've not really done much of late. there are 4 releases on the docket, though, and the first, Or. by David Michael McNamara, a small book of 5 poems, will be out shortly. future releases included chapbooks by Owen Roberts, C. Allen Rearick and Hosho McCreesh.
24 November 2006
09 November 2006
getting paid
i received my contributor's and subscriber's copies of The Stinging Fly in today's mail, along with a check for $30 as payment for the pleasure of being published.
it's not the first time i was paid for my poetry (i won a poetry contest a few years back which netted me $45 and came in second the year before for $20) but it is the first time i've been paid for a poem to be published in a non-contest issue. i think i could easily get used to this.
The Stinging Fly is out of Dublin, Ireland, and is a GORGEOUS, glossy journal filled with amazing writing (both Irish and International). it's a damned honor being published in it, and it's an indescribable feeling being paid for your work. i highly recommend it!
it's not the first time i was paid for my poetry (i won a poetry contest a few years back which netted me $45 and came in second the year before for $20) but it is the first time i've been paid for a poem to be published in a non-contest issue. i think i could easily get used to this.
The Stinging Fly is out of Dublin, Ireland, and is a GORGEOUS, glossy journal filled with amazing writing (both Irish and International). it's a damned honor being published in it, and it's an indescribable feeling being paid for your work. i highly recommend it!
08 November 2006
naked knuckle
i received my contributor's and subscriber's copies of the new Naked Knuckle yesterday. Issue #7. my poem Of An Otherwise Stark, Rural Highway kicks off the issue. other poets include Karl Koweski, David J. Thompson and Michael Estabrook.
Naked Knuckle is a great small-format journal out of Modesto, California. subscribe. submit. support.
i heard from my friend (and fellow writer) Kelly Thompson that the new The Stinging Fly is out, where my poem the perfect night is featured. i will update when i receive it.
Naked Knuckle is a great small-format journal out of Modesto, California. subscribe. submit. support.
i heard from my friend (and fellow writer) Kelly Thompson that the new The Stinging Fly is out, where my poem the perfect night is featured. i will update when i receive it.
04 November 2006
update
i received a rejection today from The Burnside Review (my second rejection from them). it would appear i'm not quite right for them. shouldn't probably submit there anymore (mental note).
i also heard back from Adrian Manning of Concrete Meat Press that my poem "marriage as still life" will be published in a future issue of his one-sheet journal Concrete Meat (potentially issue 4). i'll update when it comes out.
other than that, not much going on. i've submitted very little in the last few months, so i shouldn't expect much in the way of rejections (or acceptances) in the near future. and, neither should you.
i also heard back from Adrian Manning of Concrete Meat Press that my poem "marriage as still life" will be published in a future issue of his one-sheet journal Concrete Meat (potentially issue 4). i'll update when it comes out.
other than that, not much going on. i've submitted very little in the last few months, so i shouldn't expect much in the way of rejections (or acceptances) in the near future. and, neither should you.
24 October 2006
Number Seven
and just like that, broadside #7 of The Guerilla Poetics Project has been found. these really are like the golden tickets of Willy Wonka (or at least it feels that way in my mind):
I've got a golden ticket. I've a golden chance to make my way. And with a golden ticket, it's a golden day...
anyway, #7 was found at Moe's in Berkeley, California (the first broadside found in the US west of the mighty Mississip). the broadside was found in a copy of Ginsberg's Howl, and it just so happened to be the first broadside the GPP created, featuring my poem like fireworks. when it was registered, this is what the young woman had to say about the broadside:
what a wonderful thing to hear. THIS is precisely why the GPP exists. we are attempting to touch the very core of people's beings; those who otherwise would not have known our work.
now, join us in hiding these golden tickets so that others may be similarly touched, and may find their entry into the hidden Wonka world of poetry.
I've got a golden ticket. I've a golden chance to make my way. And with a golden ticket, it's a golden day...
anyway, #7 was found at Moe's in Berkeley, California (the first broadside found in the US west of the mighty Mississip). the broadside was found in a copy of Ginsberg's Howl, and it just so happened to be the first broadside the GPP created, featuring my poem like fireworks. when it was registered, this is what the young woman had to say about the broadside:
I was looking at three different books about Howl and Ginsberg and so I'm not 100% I listed the right book that I found the poem in, but I think it was that one. The poem just rocks my socks, and it felt extra-magical because I found it like a little hidden treasure- like the poem was meant for whoever found it, and that was me, and I feel very lucky. Tell Justin Barrett his poem made me do a little dance in Moe's. Your project is really cool..."
what a wonderful thing to hear. THIS is precisely why the GPP exists. we are attempting to touch the very core of people's beings; those who otherwise would not have known our work.
now, join us in hiding these golden tickets so that others may be similarly touched, and may find their entry into the hidden Wonka world of poetry.
17 October 2006
what i've been up to
it's been a while since my last update. not doing much of anything. just working, working out and working on The Guerilla Poetics Project stuff.
i've decided to whip together an update as my mother said if i didn't my "fans" would be upset. what a dear.
FANS! my mother is so funny. ya gotta love her.
the only fans i have are: myself, my dog, and my mother. and i'm not even certain about my dog.
anyway, there are a few things to update:
i received my subscription copies of Poesy, the International Issue, with a wonderful interview by my Australian buddy Glenn W. Cooper. and, he's kind enough to even mention me in it. thanks Glenn. Poesy is a great journal full of good poetry.
i also, out of the blue, received a package full of Poems-For-All from Richard Hansen and the 24th St. Irregular Press for my poem counterfeit poem. i had two other poems published for Poems-For-All, a few years ago.
Lastly, we've had a 6th broadside found and registered with The Guerilla Poetics Project. this movement is gaining some serious momentum, but we still need your help. if you are not already involved, please check the website out and support us. there are a variety of ways you can help us ranging from a straight donation to purchasing donated goods to becoming an operative in the field.
i've decided to whip together an update as my mother said if i didn't my "fans" would be upset. what a dear.
FANS! my mother is so funny. ya gotta love her.
the only fans i have are: myself, my dog, and my mother. and i'm not even certain about my dog.
anyway, there are a few things to update:
i received my subscription copies of Poesy, the International Issue, with a wonderful interview by my Australian buddy Glenn W. Cooper. and, he's kind enough to even mention me in it. thanks Glenn. Poesy is a great journal full of good poetry.
i also, out of the blue, received a package full of Poems-For-All from Richard Hansen and the 24th St. Irregular Press for my poem counterfeit poem. i had two other poems published for Poems-For-All, a few years ago.
Lastly, we've had a 6th broadside found and registered with The Guerilla Poetics Project. this movement is gaining some serious momentum, but we still need your help. if you are not already involved, please check the website out and support us. there are a variety of ways you can help us ranging from a straight donation to purchasing donated goods to becoming an operative in the field.
06 October 2006
dominating the small press
my buddy Glenn W. Cooper appears in the recently released International Issue of the journal Poesy, where not only are his poems featured, but a wonderful interview. Glenn is an amazing poet living in a cultural island and continent wasteland in the middle of the Pacific.
this is Glenn's 4th interview (2nd in print) and i am so proud of -- and happy for -- him.
and thank you, Glenn, for the plugs for my own work; you're the tits.
this is Glenn's 4th interview (2nd in print) and i am so proud of -- and happy for -- him.
and thank you, Glenn, for the plugs for my own work; you're the tits.
03 October 2006
poems are meant to be found
The Guerilla Poetics Project is barrelling along like a locomotive off its tracks; gaining speed as it careens down a treeless hill towards the small press village in the valley.
to date, five broadsides have been found of the hundreds that have been placed across this world. three of the five are even from different countries (Ireland, Canada and the US).
we are always eager to find more operatives, especially in places where we currently have no presence. if you are interested in helping us subvert the current publishing paradigm, while also connecting great writing to the masses, then check out the website and join us.
while you're there buy a chapbook or two, or one of the snazzy vinyl stickers or a set of coasters, the proceeds of which all go to the furthering of our mission.
and coming soon: a GPPReader featuring great poetry of the GPP.
this is going to be huge, folks. for once, be part of something larger than yourself; something beautiful; something immortal.
to date, five broadsides have been found of the hundreds that have been placed across this world. three of the five are even from different countries (Ireland, Canada and the US).
we are always eager to find more operatives, especially in places where we currently have no presence. if you are interested in helping us subvert the current publishing paradigm, while also connecting great writing to the masses, then check out the website and join us.
while you're there buy a chapbook or two, or one of the snazzy vinyl stickers or a set of coasters, the proceeds of which all go to the furthering of our mission.
and coming soon: a GPPReader featuring great poetry of the GPP.
this is going to be huge, folks. for once, be part of something larger than yourself; something beautiful; something immortal.
02 October 2006
for what are we paying?
my wife is required to get her blood thinning levels (known as an International Normalize Ratio; or an INR) checked every so often. She has been on Coumadin for six weeks now (with four and a half months to go, at least) and in the beginning her levels will fluctuate as the doctors try to pinpoint the correct dosage for her body chemistry and eating habits (certain foods can counteract the effectivity of Coumadin).
a therapeutic INR level is between 2.0 and 3.0 (where a 1.0 is "normal"). she has gone to the clinic weekly to get it checked out, and it's fluctuated rather wildly. it rose up to 3.7 three weeks ago, whereupon her dose was adjusted. it dropped the subsequent week to 2.4 (just about where she needs to be) and was told to come back in two weeks. being the vigilant and intelligent girl she is, she went back the next week (just last week) surmising that without an adjustment it is likely her INR had continued to plummet.
it had dropped to 2.0.
then, the doctor told her to come back in a month without adjusting her dosage! A MONTH! he obviously didn't review her chart, or the trend of her levels, or anything like that. anything BELOW a 2.0 and she is at risk to have another clot. jesus h. christ!
well, my vigilant and intelligent wife KNEW a month wasn't right as her levels had been steadily dropping, and who was to say it plateaued at 2.0? she went back this week to get it tested and lo and behold! it was at 1.6! well below the therapeutic level. if my wife wasn't vigilant and intelligent, she would've been walking around with an increased chance of having another thrombic episode, and we would've been through the same hell we just went through six weeks ago.
so, my question is this: what the hell are we paying this guy for, exactly?
insight? no.
concern? no.
expertise? no.
incomptence? apparently.
apathy? definitely!
i can tell you this, we will no longer be paying him a dime. we're looking for another clinic that can handle the workload; with doctors who care, understand trends, and with the time (or ethics) to do their job right.
and all of this now reminds me of a little joke:
Q. what do call a person who graduates last in his class in medical school?
A. doctor.
it appears we found ourselves such a guy.
a therapeutic INR level is between 2.0 and 3.0 (where a 1.0 is "normal"). she has gone to the clinic weekly to get it checked out, and it's fluctuated rather wildly. it rose up to 3.7 three weeks ago, whereupon her dose was adjusted. it dropped the subsequent week to 2.4 (just about where she needs to be) and was told to come back in two weeks. being the vigilant and intelligent girl she is, she went back the next week (just last week) surmising that without an adjustment it is likely her INR had continued to plummet.
it had dropped to 2.0.
then, the doctor told her to come back in a month without adjusting her dosage! A MONTH! he obviously didn't review her chart, or the trend of her levels, or anything like that. anything BELOW a 2.0 and she is at risk to have another clot. jesus h. christ!
well, my vigilant and intelligent wife KNEW a month wasn't right as her levels had been steadily dropping, and who was to say it plateaued at 2.0? she went back this week to get it tested and lo and behold! it was at 1.6! well below the therapeutic level. if my wife wasn't vigilant and intelligent, she would've been walking around with an increased chance of having another thrombic episode, and we would've been through the same hell we just went through six weeks ago.
so, my question is this: what the hell are we paying this guy for, exactly?
insight? no.
concern? no.
expertise? no.
incomptence? apparently.
apathy? definitely!
i can tell you this, we will no longer be paying him a dime. we're looking for another clinic that can handle the workload; with doctors who care, understand trends, and with the time (or ethics) to do their job right.
and all of this now reminds me of a little joke:
Q. what do call a person who graduates last in his class in medical school?
A. doctor.
it appears we found ourselves such a guy.
29 September 2006
words dance
i received my contributor's copy of the new words dance (issue #10), where my poem an avalanche of suffering is featured on page 15 (only like the greatest page of every single journal, apparently (or else why was i featured there?)!).
other poets featured in this issue (edited by Jessica Mahlstedt, by the way) include: Christopher Cunningham, C. Allen Rearick, William Taylor, Jr., Nathan Graziano and S.A. Griffin. it's a fabulous issue. you should check it out. your mother would be proud.
other poets featured in this issue (edited by Jessica Mahlstedt, by the way) include: Christopher Cunningham, C. Allen Rearick, William Taylor, Jr., Nathan Graziano and S.A. Griffin. it's a fabulous issue. you should check it out. your mother would be proud.
26 September 2006
benign neglect
that's what the cardiologist says the treatment for my "condition" requires. basically, he is saying that what i have (the ectopic heartbeat, or premature ventricular contractions (PVCs) and premature atrial contractions (PACs)) are entirely normal and not life-threatening.
but, that's easy for him to say.
sure, i believe him. my heart is healthy and strong. the stress test proved that. (apparently, too, i wowed them by staying on the thing for 12 minutes. it wasn't 3 minutes as i previously mentioned, but 12 whole minutes. suck it, losers! AND, that was with me out of shape. once i'm in shape, watch out.)
anyway, this good stress test is allegedly a clean bill of health for one year; meaning that there is little to no chance of anything heart-related happening to me in the next year. that's good.
but, the PVCs and PACs are very disconcerting. and scary. it's one thing to say, "don't worry about it, they are benign, ignore them" and it's another thing altogether to actually IGNORE your heart stopping and starting again. this ISN'T what is actually happens, but i'll be damned if it isn't what it feels like. i wish i got a copy of the EKG where one of these PAC occurred. it was crazy to see your heart flatlined for over 2.5 seconds, have a humongous palpitation, then continue on like nothing happened.
anyway, all in all, i'm heart healthy and should be kicking around for a while yet.
and i know that makes all of you feel just a little bit queasy, doesn't it? ha!
but, that's easy for him to say.
sure, i believe him. my heart is healthy and strong. the stress test proved that. (apparently, too, i wowed them by staying on the thing for 12 minutes. it wasn't 3 minutes as i previously mentioned, but 12 whole minutes. suck it, losers! AND, that was with me out of shape. once i'm in shape, watch out.)
anyway, this good stress test is allegedly a clean bill of health for one year; meaning that there is little to no chance of anything heart-related happening to me in the next year. that's good.
but, the PVCs and PACs are very disconcerting. and scary. it's one thing to say, "don't worry about it, they are benign, ignore them" and it's another thing altogether to actually IGNORE your heart stopping and starting again. this ISN'T what is actually happens, but i'll be damned if it isn't what it feels like. i wish i got a copy of the EKG where one of these PAC occurred. it was crazy to see your heart flatlined for over 2.5 seconds, have a humongous palpitation, then continue on like nothing happened.
anyway, all in all, i'm heart healthy and should be kicking around for a while yet.
and i know that makes all of you feel just a little bit queasy, doesn't it? ha!
24 September 2006
virus and concrete meat
Adrian Manning of Concrete Meat Press has put up a "Concrete Meat Press Suggests" page where he will feature the poetry of those poets he likes. two of my poems are up already and other poems by dozens of other poets will be appear over the next few weeks. check it out and support the small press by purchasing one of CMP's offerings.
also, i've contracted a terrible chest cold and have been convalescing for the past few days. i'm catching up on my email and correspondence, so if you i owe you one, sorry. i don't know about you guys, but i do not handle being sick very well. my wife says i revert twenty years or so into a whining teenager. i say she's wrong by about ten years. i easily act more like a whining 5-year-old than a teenager.
more poetry news: the first broadside of the Guerilla Poetics Project has been found. the new website will be up very soon which will include better broadside registration abilities, and a fabulous forum. this is getting big, folks. if you're interested in joining us as an operative, visit the site (or the blog) and let us know! we can use all the help we can get.
also, i've contracted a terrible chest cold and have been convalescing for the past few days. i'm catching up on my email and correspondence, so if you i owe you one, sorry. i don't know about you guys, but i do not handle being sick very well. my wife says i revert twenty years or so into a whining teenager. i say she's wrong by about ten years. i easily act more like a whining 5-year-old than a teenager.
more poetry news: the first broadside of the Guerilla Poetics Project has been found. the new website will be up very soon which will include better broadside registration abilities, and a fabulous forum. this is getting big, folks. if you're interested in joining us as an operative, visit the site (or the blog) and let us know! we can use all the help we can get.
14 September 2006
stationary bike
i started working out today -- riding a stationary bike for 30 minutes.
my thighs burned something fierce, but i kept up pretty good. it felt great to get the lungs puffing and the blood circulating.
tomorrow, i'll shoot for 45 minutes. any more than that and i'm sure to pass out.
my thighs burned something fierce, but i kept up pretty good. it felt great to get the lungs puffing and the blood circulating.
tomorrow, i'll shoot for 45 minutes. any more than that and i'm sure to pass out.
13 September 2006
farewell sedentary lifestyle
on Monday, i had my stress/treadmill test at the cardiologists. the doctor said his initial impression is that everything is a-ok. my heart is healthy and strong. blood is flowing properly and sufficiently. i have an appointment with him in two weeks for the final verdict, but it appears all i have is an irregular heartbeat (my heart skips a beat every so often). this is called an ectopic heartbeat. it's benign and not life-threatening, but is quite startling and disconcerting when it occurs. a skipped beat feels like the heart has stopped, then kicks back into action. scary. i did get to see what it looks like on the EKG, and it's a two second flatline followed by a sharp spike of activity. wild.
unfortunately, this condition can be aggravated by certain foods and drinks, specifically caffeine and alcohol. both do affect my arrhythmia (making it more frequent) so i now have to curtail my intake of both.
however, the diagnosis is good news. certainly could've been worse.
but, back to the stress test. having lived a fully sedentary lifestyle the last year and a half, my body is NOT used to moving in any kind of aerobic way. so, running on a treadmill was a shock to my system. the point of the test is to get the heart rate up and push the body to exhaustion so that an echocardiogram can be taken at that point (the technician had only one minute after i dismounted the treadmill to get a complete echo of the heart; this was no easy matter, trust me). an echo of the heart at exhaustion can tell a lot more than one at rest. any problem is magnified. any irregularity is revealed.
well, it didn't take long at all for me to reach exhaustion. in a matter of three minutes i was huffing and puffing, my heart rate pushing past 200 bpm, sweat dripping off of me. THREE minutes! it was embarrassing.
and today, two days later, i'm so sore that i can barely walk. pathetic.
it's so embarrassing and pathetic, that i've decided to finally get up off my bony ass and start working out. soon, i'll be taut and lithe. not really, but i'll at least be able to last longer than three minutes. that's the plan, at least.
three minutes.
man, how disappointing. i guess i know how my wife feels, now: unfulfilled, unsatisfied, left wanting. there's only so much one can do in three minutes.
unfortunately, this condition can be aggravated by certain foods and drinks, specifically caffeine and alcohol. both do affect my arrhythmia (making it more frequent) so i now have to curtail my intake of both.
however, the diagnosis is good news. certainly could've been worse.
but, back to the stress test. having lived a fully sedentary lifestyle the last year and a half, my body is NOT used to moving in any kind of aerobic way. so, running on a treadmill was a shock to my system. the point of the test is to get the heart rate up and push the body to exhaustion so that an echocardiogram can be taken at that point (the technician had only one minute after i dismounted the treadmill to get a complete echo of the heart; this was no easy matter, trust me). an echo of the heart at exhaustion can tell a lot more than one at rest. any problem is magnified. any irregularity is revealed.
well, it didn't take long at all for me to reach exhaustion. in a matter of three minutes i was huffing and puffing, my heart rate pushing past 200 bpm, sweat dripping off of me. THREE minutes! it was embarrassing.
and today, two days later, i'm so sore that i can barely walk. pathetic.
it's so embarrassing and pathetic, that i've decided to finally get up off my bony ass and start working out. soon, i'll be taut and lithe. not really, but i'll at least be able to last longer than three minutes. that's the plan, at least.
three minutes.
man, how disappointing. i guess i know how my wife feels, now: unfulfilled, unsatisfied, left wanting. there's only so much one can do in three minutes.
08 September 2006
words dance
i received word that my poem an avalanche of suffering was accepted by words dance's guest editor, Jessica Mahlstedt, for issue #10; a print issue.
i've appeared in a few previous issues of words dance -- both online and in print -- in the past. it's a fine journal of poetry filled with quality poems. check out the website and subscribe/submit.
i've appeared in a few previous issues of words dance -- both online and in print -- in the past. it's a fine journal of poetry filled with quality poems. check out the website and subscribe/submit.
the diagnosis
well,
it appears there is nothing wrong with me (or my heart that is). the cardiologist said everything looked normal, the electrical pulses and sinus rhythm looked normal, the muscle appeared normal and strong. the only thing he noticed was the membrane between the left and right atria was thin and i potentially have something called a Patent Foramen Ovale (PFO) that 25% of adults have. it isn't life-threatening and things should be fine. there is still the possibility a small hole exists, but unless i have consistent symptoms there's nothing to worry about.
i am currently wearing a Holter Monitor (a 24-hour EKG device) in order to attempt to capture the bizarre and disconcerting arrhythmia that i experience. i will be taking a treadmill/stress EKG test on Monday and will follow up in two weeks to see if there is anything they find from these new tests.
it appears all the symptoms (apart from the arrhythmia) were due to stress and panic. i'm wondering if my wife's episode just 4 weeks ago played a part in this. now that she's well and back to normal i probably started to relax and all the emotions and pent up nerves and anxiety just flooded through my body causing my heart to race and i panicked.
i'm also prone to panic attacks and high anxiety. it's one of the fabulous Barrett traits along with a very big....well...nevermind.
anyway, it appears things are well.
for those of you hoping this was the end of justin.barrett, sorry suckas!it'll take more than a bum heart to get rid of this guy.
for those well-wishers out there, thank you!
i might have a weak heart, but there ain't no keeping this bastard down. for too long, at least.
ha!
it appears there is nothing wrong with me (or my heart that is). the cardiologist said everything looked normal, the electrical pulses and sinus rhythm looked normal, the muscle appeared normal and strong. the only thing he noticed was the membrane between the left and right atria was thin and i potentially have something called a Patent Foramen Ovale (PFO) that 25% of adults have. it isn't life-threatening and things should be fine. there is still the possibility a small hole exists, but unless i have consistent symptoms there's nothing to worry about.
i am currently wearing a Holter Monitor (a 24-hour EKG device) in order to attempt to capture the bizarre and disconcerting arrhythmia that i experience. i will be taking a treadmill/stress EKG test on Monday and will follow up in two weeks to see if there is anything they find from these new tests.
it appears all the symptoms (apart from the arrhythmia) were due to stress and panic. i'm wondering if my wife's episode just 4 weeks ago played a part in this. now that she's well and back to normal i probably started to relax and all the emotions and pent up nerves and anxiety just flooded through my body causing my heart to race and i panicked.
i'm also prone to panic attacks and high anxiety. it's one of the fabulous Barrett traits along with a very big....well...nevermind.
anyway, it appears things are well.
for those of you hoping this was the end of justin.barrett, sorry suckas!it'll take more than a bum heart to get rid of this guy.
for those well-wishers out there, thank you!
i might have a weak heart, but there ain't no keeping this bastard down. for too long, at least.
ha!
06 September 2006
i LOVE mail...and an eerily prescient title
in today's mail was a fine package from S.A. Griffin, venerable poet, artist, actor living in
and, while reading through the previous posts on this blog (yes, i'm a vain egoist and i read my own posts from time to time), just before writing this, i noticed the eerily appropriate title to the post regarding my wife's own health issues: "the terror of your heart ripped from your solar plexis". it wasn't my heart that was ripped out during this ordeal, but a small hole.
my wife has that hole now. like e.e. cummings she carries my heart in her heart.
echo (updated)
i had my echocardiogram today. i won't find out the results until Friday morning, when i will see the cardiologist and he can give me the final diagnosis.
but, the echocardiogram is really fucking cool. first, the technician just searched around the front my chest, and we saw the pumps working and the valves flapping. then she went down around to the side of the chest and we saw the 4 chamber of the heart. she was even able to colorize it to see the blood flow.
then, she pulled out another instrument and we got to see my heart in 3D. and she was even able to take slices off of the 3D heart and view the inside, all the walls, the septa. it was insane. i've never seen anything like it.
also, it was all in real-time, so whatever my heart experienced could be seen on the screen. that was trippy.
before the whole echocardiogram began, the technician asked me what was going on, to get an understanding of what i was experiencing. she then asked me if there was any family history of heart problems, or any sudden deaths. i remember the ER doctor asking me the same thing when i was in there. i said no, because to the best of my knowledge there have been no heart problems in my family, either side. granted, we're not the closest of families and there are uncles i haven't seen in 20 years or more.
but, it just occured to me that my maternal grandfather died suddenly and unexpectedly when my mother was five. i'm terrified now that maybe he has some kind of heart condition. i know very little about the guy, other than his name, so it's possible he did have heart problems. i've asked my mother about it but haven't heard back from her yet.
anyway, Friday will be the day we find out the prognosis; and whether surgery will be necessary or not. i'll update when possible.
UPDATE: i heard back from my mother. my grandfather DID die of a sudden heart attack. "coronary thrombosis" was the official cause of death. FABU-fucking-LOUS! he was only 48, too. shit. i'm only 33, but that ain't too far off. so, i must inform my cardiologist of this, just to be safe. i hope that what i have is nothing related to what happened to him.
and now, i must attempt to remain calm for the next 40 hours; not gonna be easy.
but, the echocardiogram is really fucking cool. first, the technician just searched around the front my chest, and we saw the pumps working and the valves flapping. then she went down around to the side of the chest and we saw the 4 chamber of the heart. she was even able to colorize it to see the blood flow.
then, she pulled out another instrument and we got to see my heart in 3D. and she was even able to take slices off of the 3D heart and view the inside, all the walls, the septa. it was insane. i've never seen anything like it.
also, it was all in real-time, so whatever my heart experienced could be seen on the screen. that was trippy.
before the whole echocardiogram began, the technician asked me what was going on, to get an understanding of what i was experiencing. she then asked me if there was any family history of heart problems, or any sudden deaths. i remember the ER doctor asking me the same thing when i was in there. i said no, because to the best of my knowledge there have been no heart problems in my family, either side. granted, we're not the closest of families and there are uncles i haven't seen in 20 years or more.
but, it just occured to me that my maternal grandfather died suddenly and unexpectedly when my mother was five. i'm terrified now that maybe he has some kind of heart condition. i know very little about the guy, other than his name, so it's possible he did have heart problems. i've asked my mother about it but haven't heard back from her yet.
anyway, Friday will be the day we find out the prognosis; and whether surgery will be necessary or not. i'll update when possible.
UPDATE: i heard back from my mother. my grandfather DID die of a sudden heart attack. "coronary thrombosis" was the official cause of death. FABU-fucking-LOUS! he was only 48, too. shit. i'm only 33, but that ain't too far off. so, i must inform my cardiologist of this, just to be safe. i hope that what i have is nothing related to what happened to him.
and now, i must attempt to remain calm for the next 40 hours; not gonna be easy.
02 September 2006
filling the holes in our lives
yesterday, sitting in my mailbox, was the first 2 broadsides of the Guerilla Poetics Project. i did my part by hiding a quarter of them in a store in West Jordan, Utah; and will finish by hiding the remaining ones in the downtown Salt Lake Library and in a few stores around there. these hidden broadsides will fill a hole in the poetry publishing arena. we are plugging the gaps, filling the voids.
and, on top of that great news, is a touch of bad.
after my wife's scare three weeks ago, we aren't able to handle too much more; but, life just has a way of piling shit on top of shit.
yesterday, we decided to see a movie but had to suddenly leave when i started feeling anxious and clammy and had bizarre heart palpitations. i figured i'd finally contracted the virus that had been making the rounds at work. we went home, and i stayed up late into the night with the chills, the weird heart palpitations and a shortness of breath.
it lingered into today, so i decided i probably should get it checked out. just in case.
well, it turns out i have a congenital heart defect that i was never aware of. apparently, there is a hole in my heart, between the two atria which is causing the palpitations. it isn't life-threatening (meaning, i won't die from it) but it is concerning as they have been known to cause clots that could lead to stroke, etc.
i will be setting up an appointment with a cardiologist later this week, will get a cardiac echo and will most likely have to have surgery to close the hole.
it's strange, having something like this, that you were born with, that you knew nothing about. and it manifests itself only 3 weeks after the fright we had with my wife. it's too soon for this shit. luckily, it's not THAT bad. if the hole were between the ventricles, i wouldn't be home now and, instead, would be having open heart surgery as i write this. the surgery to repair this hole is pretty damn slick and can be done going through an artery.
anyway, the hole in my heart will be plugged much like we are doing with the Guerilla Poetics Project. suturing a gap that severely needs to be done.
and, on top of that great news, is a touch of bad.
after my wife's scare three weeks ago, we aren't able to handle too much more; but, life just has a way of piling shit on top of shit.
yesterday, we decided to see a movie but had to suddenly leave when i started feeling anxious and clammy and had bizarre heart palpitations. i figured i'd finally contracted the virus that had been making the rounds at work. we went home, and i stayed up late into the night with the chills, the weird heart palpitations and a shortness of breath.
it lingered into today, so i decided i probably should get it checked out. just in case.
well, it turns out i have a congenital heart defect that i was never aware of. apparently, there is a hole in my heart, between the two atria which is causing the palpitations. it isn't life-threatening (meaning, i won't die from it) but it is concerning as they have been known to cause clots that could lead to stroke, etc.
i will be setting up an appointment with a cardiologist later this week, will get a cardiac echo and will most likely have to have surgery to close the hole.
it's strange, having something like this, that you were born with, that you knew nothing about. and it manifests itself only 3 weeks after the fright we had with my wife. it's too soon for this shit. luckily, it's not THAT bad. if the hole were between the ventricles, i wouldn't be home now and, instead, would be having open heart surgery as i write this. the surgery to repair this hole is pretty damn slick and can be done going through an artery.
anyway, the hole in my heart will be plugged much like we are doing with the Guerilla Poetics Project. suturing a gap that severely needs to be done.
30 August 2006
more good news
i received an email the other day from The Other Voices International Project stating that they plan to put out an anthology of the work published on their journal over the years, and my poem After Heidi committed suicide and a few weeks passed, letting it sink in; and after the wife and I sat at home for 5 straight nights, barely talking to each other; and after sharing a bottle of wine, finally letting the emotion wash over us like soap bubbles, she said, was selected for inclusion. very exciting. i had 8 poems published in Vol. 8 back in 2004. it's nice to know that of all of the times an editor has said he held anthology rights it finally paid off once.
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