i received the latest issue of remark. (#36) in the mail today. for those who might not know, remark. was an online journal of poetry i started back in 1998. i recently (late last year) decided to retire from being editor and handed over the reins to Kat. Kat has since turned the online journal into a print one. she's also done a great job, i think. i just hope she doesn't get as burnt out on it as i.
this issue included three of my own poems: 11.03.04 or the day after, eating mangoes, and of snowmen and hot chocolate. other poets include Chris Cefalu, Brian McGettrick, Michael Estabrook and Luis Cuauhtemoc Berriozabal. this issue also includes a neat broadside/postcard of a Michael Estabrook poem.
24 August 2005
23 August 2005
last day and closing
today was the last day at my job. it was a bittersweet day as i will miss many of the people with whom i worked. there are, of course, a number of people who will not be missed at all. but, i will never have to worry about that place again, and that's a great feeling.
today was also the closing of the sale of our house. it's a good feeling. once the buyers' loan funds, which should be Friday, we'll have our money in the bank and this chapter of our lives will be complete.
i wrote a little today. probably just a release from all the stress i've been keeping pent up the last six or seven months. an exhale of creativity.
only thing left, now, is the moving of all of our crap this weekend.
i will be without internet service from this Friday until the following Wednesday evening. this obviously means no updates here, but also no emails; so, if you don't hear from me in that time period it probably means i'm not ignoring you (though, that necessarily can't be discounted), and will get back with you once i get back online.
today was also the closing of the sale of our house. it's a good feeling. once the buyers' loan funds, which should be Friday, we'll have our money in the bank and this chapter of our lives will be complete.
i wrote a little today. probably just a release from all the stress i've been keeping pent up the last six or seven months. an exhale of creativity.
only thing left, now, is the moving of all of our crap this weekend.
i will be without internet service from this Friday until the following Wednesday evening. this obviously means no updates here, but also no emails; so, if you don't hear from me in that time period it probably means i'm not ignoring you (though, that necessarily can't be discounted), and will get back with you once i get back online.
22 August 2005
and life continues on...
well, i've calmed down a bit since yesterday evening's post. i had a few emails from some of you either wanting to know who the person was (and making some guesses of your own) or related some of your own "humans are the worst" stories. thank you for those.
but, life continues on...
the electrician came today to fix the electrical issue our swamp cooler was experiencing. well, being the non-technical, handi-less dolt that i am, it was nothing more than a simple blown fuse. you know, those old screw in kind that look like little light bulbs? hell, i didn't even know there was a fuse box in the basement. i only knew of the circuit breaker we have mounted to our outside wall. well, i felt like a moron; but the guy was nice enough. apparently, the motor in the swamp cooler is fried, and the electricity overloaded trying to make it work, thereby blowing the fuse. so, now the damn swamp cooler guy has to come back and replace the pump. lord have mercy! this BETTER be the end of it all.
tomorrow is a big day for yours truly. the buyers are having a final walk-through of the house. i hope they are ready to see a humongous mess: boxes stacked and scattered everywhere, in various states of filled; bags of junk and clothes and other crap piled everywhere; a broken, half-ripped-out ceiling fan; disassembled furniture. i hope they don't freak out.
then, tomorrow is my last day at my current job, the place i call Techson Medical Supply. it'll be a bittersweet departure: sad because i'll miss the people, but happy because i won't ever have to deal with the bullshit again. at least not at this place. i'm sure my new place has it's own brand of bullshit. but, new bullshit is better than old bullshit any day!
lastly, the closing of the sale of our house is tomorrow afternoon. a busy, busy day. after the closing, this are pretty much over. we just finish up with the repairs and packing and moving.
one good thing in my life is the impending, and quickly approaching, start to college football. have i mentioned i'm a football freak? well, i am. college football, in general, is my favorite. i can't wait. those Saturdays will make all the stress and anxiety be quickly forgotten.
but, life continues on...
the electrician came today to fix the electrical issue our swamp cooler was experiencing. well, being the non-technical, handi-less dolt that i am, it was nothing more than a simple blown fuse. you know, those old screw in kind that look like little light bulbs? hell, i didn't even know there was a fuse box in the basement. i only knew of the circuit breaker we have mounted to our outside wall. well, i felt like a moron; but the guy was nice enough. apparently, the motor in the swamp cooler is fried, and the electricity overloaded trying to make it work, thereby blowing the fuse. so, now the damn swamp cooler guy has to come back and replace the pump. lord have mercy! this BETTER be the end of it all.
tomorrow is a big day for yours truly. the buyers are having a final walk-through of the house. i hope they are ready to see a humongous mess: boxes stacked and scattered everywhere, in various states of filled; bags of junk and clothes and other crap piled everywhere; a broken, half-ripped-out ceiling fan; disassembled furniture. i hope they don't freak out.
then, tomorrow is my last day at my current job, the place i call Techson Medical Supply. it'll be a bittersweet departure: sad because i'll miss the people, but happy because i won't ever have to deal with the bullshit again. at least not at this place. i'm sure my new place has it's own brand of bullshit. but, new bullshit is better than old bullshit any day!
lastly, the closing of the sale of our house is tomorrow afternoon. a busy, busy day. after the closing, this are pretty much over. we just finish up with the repairs and packing and moving.
one good thing in my life is the impending, and quickly approaching, start to college football. have i mentioned i'm a football freak? well, i am. college football, in general, is my favorite. i can't wait. those Saturdays will make all the stress and anxiety be quickly forgotten.
21 August 2005
what is wrong with humans?
i know this is a ridiculous question, because the answer probably leans towards "what ISN'T wrong with humans?" but, my god.
i just had another falling out with another goddamn writer. the fourth in the last few years. why, you ask? too many fucking people with too much ego. too many people saying shit to me that they don't think i'll call them on, then when i do they get pissed. too many people not willing to admit to themselves that they AREN'T the most important thing in everybody else's lives. whatever.
i won't mention who the person is, but he'll read this (i'm certain of it, even though he said he would end all correspondence (ironically, in his penultimate email to me); his last email was 12 hours later that consisted of a poem of nothing more than my quotes on what i thought of him spliced together).
what precipitated the fall out, you ask? he made mention of the fact that he was looking to shop a new manuscript around. i said he should wait while his most recent one runs its course, get the most mileage out of his books, you know? he got pissed and said, "If you're not interested in publishing me, why should you care if someone else might be interested?"
i took that as a slam against my rejecting him in the past. then he said, "I guess you're not going to help out a friend, much like I have kept you in mind for things. I Gotta (sic) stop being so generous."
!!! oh, i don't think so, hombre!
that sure as hell put me in a rage. so, all the time he kept me in mind for things (which amounted to emails about possible anthologies and magazines) were only so that i might repay him by publishing him? oh no, i don't think so. fuck that.
well, i called him on it: "you are so damn self-absorbed. you helped me with some anthology outlets, so i'm supposed to spend my money to publish you?! get bent!"
that shit doesn't fly with me. you call me out, you better expect me to respond. this is the fourth fucking person to do this to me, in one way or another. and the fourth to get pissed after i called them on their comments. and you know what? my life has been easier with the other three out of my life.
he responded (in his email where he said he wouldn't talk to me anymore) that he wasn't self-absorbed. that he does all these nice things out of the kindness of his heart (despite what he said (and implied) in his email). yeah, sure. you're a fucking martyr.
further proof of his self-absorbed, drama-queen, prima donna attitude is the fact that he sent me an email (out of the blue) saying that he hates his life and he wants to die. oh, give me a fucking break. what the shit am i supposed to do with that? this is ultimate proof of the fact that he thinks the world revolves around him. oh no, poor little guy hates his life and instead of doing something about it, would rather email a person halfway across the country that he wants to kill himself. please!
now, i understand that everyone, ultimately, is selfish and self-absorbed. altruism is NOT a way to live. i don't expect him (or anyone) to do me favors, nor should anyone expect me to do favors for them. i understand this, but to say that you want to kill yourself (to someone you've never met, no less) is ultimately selfish (if not crazy).
anyway, fuck it. humans are too much to deal with. all i want to do is write and live my life, until i can do neither. i don't have the time, or empathy, to deal with this kind of bullshit. go find someone who gives a damn.
i just had another falling out with another goddamn writer. the fourth in the last few years. why, you ask? too many fucking people with too much ego. too many people saying shit to me that they don't think i'll call them on, then when i do they get pissed. too many people not willing to admit to themselves that they AREN'T the most important thing in everybody else's lives. whatever.
i won't mention who the person is, but he'll read this (i'm certain of it, even though he said he would end all correspondence (ironically, in his penultimate email to me); his last email was 12 hours later that consisted of a poem of nothing more than my quotes on what i thought of him spliced together).
what precipitated the fall out, you ask? he made mention of the fact that he was looking to shop a new manuscript around. i said he should wait while his most recent one runs its course, get the most mileage out of his books, you know? he got pissed and said, "If you're not interested in publishing me, why should you care if someone else might be interested?"
i took that as a slam against my rejecting him in the past. then he said, "I guess you're not going to help out a friend, much like I have kept you in mind for things. I Gotta (sic) stop being so generous."
!!! oh, i don't think so, hombre!
that sure as hell put me in a rage. so, all the time he kept me in mind for things (which amounted to emails about possible anthologies and magazines) were only so that i might repay him by publishing him? oh no, i don't think so. fuck that.
well, i called him on it: "you are so damn self-absorbed. you helped me with some anthology outlets, so i'm supposed to spend my money to publish you?! get bent!"
that shit doesn't fly with me. you call me out, you better expect me to respond. this is the fourth fucking person to do this to me, in one way or another. and the fourth to get pissed after i called them on their comments. and you know what? my life has been easier with the other three out of my life.
he responded (in his email where he said he wouldn't talk to me anymore) that he wasn't self-absorbed. that he does all these nice things out of the kindness of his heart (despite what he said (and implied) in his email). yeah, sure. you're a fucking martyr.
further proof of his self-absorbed, drama-queen, prima donna attitude is the fact that he sent me an email (out of the blue) saying that he hates his life and he wants to die. oh, give me a fucking break. what the shit am i supposed to do with that? this is ultimate proof of the fact that he thinks the world revolves around him. oh no, poor little guy hates his life and instead of doing something about it, would rather email a person halfway across the country that he wants to kill himself. please!
now, i understand that everyone, ultimately, is selfish and self-absorbed. altruism is NOT a way to live. i don't expect him (or anyone) to do me favors, nor should anyone expect me to do favors for them. i understand this, but to say that you want to kill yourself (to someone you've never met, no less) is ultimately selfish (if not crazy).
anyway, fuck it. humans are too much to deal with. all i want to do is write and live my life, until i can do neither. i don't have the time, or empathy, to deal with this kind of bullshit. go find someone who gives a damn.
20 August 2005
late night post
it's late. can't sleep. ulcer raging in my stomach.
everytime i lie down, the damn thing flares up. it feels like burning. very much like heartburn, but instead of a mild burning sensation it feels like a white-hot sword cauterizing the inside of my stomach.
i can't concentrate long enough to write, either. if it's not the pain, it's my mind wandering through the hundreds of things we still need to do, and still need to get fixed, or the myriad of problems that could go wrong.
i packed up most of my basement writing room earlier this evening. it was nice going through all the shit i had saved up. i went through everything i've had published, and it turns out i am missing something. if any of you have an extra copy of the small matchbook-sized broadside from 24th Street Irregular Press, titled fuck you, tom brokaw, would you be willing to part with it? i don't own one and would really like to. if you want to hold it ransom, we can talk trade.
anyway, it was nice looking through the heft stack of rejections, the various magazines and chapbooks and other poetry paraphrenalia i've accumulated over the last 12 years.
now, all that's left is for me to do is fall asleep. if this keeps up a nervous breakdown can't be too far away.
everytime i lie down, the damn thing flares up. it feels like burning. very much like heartburn, but instead of a mild burning sensation it feels like a white-hot sword cauterizing the inside of my stomach.
i can't concentrate long enough to write, either. if it's not the pain, it's my mind wandering through the hundreds of things we still need to do, and still need to get fixed, or the myriad of problems that could go wrong.
i packed up most of my basement writing room earlier this evening. it was nice going through all the shit i had saved up. i went through everything i've had published, and it turns out i am missing something. if any of you have an extra copy of the small matchbook-sized broadside from 24th Street Irregular Press, titled fuck you, tom brokaw, would you be willing to part with it? i don't own one and would really like to. if you want to hold it ransom, we can talk trade.
anyway, it was nice looking through the heft stack of rejections, the various magazines and chapbooks and other poetry paraphrenalia i've accumulated over the last 12 years.
now, all that's left is for me to do is fall asleep. if this keeps up a nervous breakdown can't be too far away.
18 August 2005
sweet jesus murphy
well, $89 is down the tubes. the fucking swamp cooler broke again. this time, it's kaput for good. and, to just rub it all in, our living room ceiling fan stopped working. what the fuck?! nothing breaks down in the three and a half years we live in the house, then two things break in the last two weeks we own the damn thing.
well, my wife is out purchasing a new ceiling fan, that i will be installing (somehow, as i've never installed one before) this weekend. the same guy who came out two days ago will be visiting our house again tomorrow to check out the swamp cooler. this one will probably cost us over $200. if the whole unit needs to be replaced we're looking at at least a grand. FUCK!
oh, and we called the damn home warranty company, again, and found out, again, that goddamn ceiling fans aren't covered, either. what the fuck?! what the hell is covered in this everloving home warranty? any and everything that doesn't break, apparently. once it breaks, it is no longer covered. that's just great!
i don't know if i can make it through this. i suppose i have no choice, but my god. i have three days left at work and, if the past week is any indication, they will be the busiest three days of my life. shit is going on the blink left and right, we aren't even fully packed, yet; and i'm still worried about moving all these heavy things out of our house. to top it all off, i start a new job in a week and a half. lord, this is way too much.
speaking of the heavy things, the thing i'm most worried about is a chest freezer we have in the basement. our basement is tiny, with five and a half foot high ceilings. i'm six and a half feet tall. we already have a problem. plus, this chest freezer is HEAVY! the two guys who moved it down to the basement for us (who delivered it from where we purchased it) were giant, mutant humans (they towered over me and were built like dump trucks). and they struggled mightily bringing it down the stairs. i have no idea how i (skinny, weak and built like a hand truck) and my friend (ditto) are going to haul this monstrosity up the stairs. i fear for our lives.
anyway, it's hotter than Hades in here right now and, without the benefit of any air circulation, it's stagnant and i'm beginning to give off a fetid stench. i need a shower and a new life.
well, my wife is out purchasing a new ceiling fan, that i will be installing (somehow, as i've never installed one before) this weekend. the same guy who came out two days ago will be visiting our house again tomorrow to check out the swamp cooler. this one will probably cost us over $200. if the whole unit needs to be replaced we're looking at at least a grand. FUCK!
oh, and we called the damn home warranty company, again, and found out, again, that goddamn ceiling fans aren't covered, either. what the fuck?! what the hell is covered in this everloving home warranty? any and everything that doesn't break, apparently. once it breaks, it is no longer covered. that's just great!
i don't know if i can make it through this. i suppose i have no choice, but my god. i have three days left at work and, if the past week is any indication, they will be the busiest three days of my life. shit is going on the blink left and right, we aren't even fully packed, yet; and i'm still worried about moving all these heavy things out of our house. to top it all off, i start a new job in a week and a half. lord, this is way too much.
speaking of the heavy things, the thing i'm most worried about is a chest freezer we have in the basement. our basement is tiny, with five and a half foot high ceilings. i'm six and a half feet tall. we already have a problem. plus, this chest freezer is HEAVY! the two guys who moved it down to the basement for us (who delivered it from where we purchased it) were giant, mutant humans (they towered over me and were built like dump trucks). and they struggled mightily bringing it down the stairs. i have no idea how i (skinny, weak and built like a hand truck) and my friend (ditto) are going to haul this monstrosity up the stairs. i fear for our lives.
anyway, it's hotter than Hades in here right now and, without the benefit of any air circulation, it's stagnant and i'm beginning to give off a fetid stench. i need a shower and a new life.
17 August 2005
let there be...cool air
well, we got the damn swamp cooler fixed. apparently, the stupid motor wasn't properly oiled (go figure, since i've never oiled it), and that was all that was needed. $89 just for that. christ! but, who cares. at least it's fixed and we've got that blessed cold air blowing through the house. finally, i'll be able to not sleep in comfort, once again.
i received two books in the last two days. the first is Nathan Graziano's latest chapbook from sunnyoutside, Honey, I'm Home. it's a great chapbook about domesticity: marriage, children and all the rest. a bit of a departure from Nate's other stuff, but his wry humor and biting wit is ever present.
the second book i received is David Barker's Too Much Me, published by Concrete Meat Press. David is a fabulous poet and a master of the short poem. this latest chapbook features only short poems. the usual Barker subjects abound: work, family, aging. and the best part is the dry wit that separates David from the rest of the pack.
both books are highly recommended.
i received two books in the last two days. the first is Nathan Graziano's latest chapbook from sunnyoutside, Honey, I'm Home. it's a great chapbook about domesticity: marriage, children and all the rest. a bit of a departure from Nate's other stuff, but his wry humor and biting wit is ever present.
the second book i received is David Barker's Too Much Me, published by Concrete Meat Press. David is a fabulous poet and a master of the short poem. this latest chapbook features only short poems. the usual Barker subjects abound: work, family, aging. and the best part is the dry wit that separates David from the rest of the pack.
both books are highly recommended.
14 August 2005
back from Ely
well, we made it back in one piece. and, it's hotter than hell in this house. a guy's going to come out on Tuesday to check the swamp cooler, so in the meantime we just have to suffer. brutal!
the trip was very nice. much better than i anticipated. the drive there was long, and felt every bit of the four hours it took us. Ely is a small (very small) mining town in the middle of nowhere, at the junction of Highways 50 and 93 (incidentally, Highway 50 is also known as The Loneliest Road in the America). there's not much to do there, but that was just fine with us as we could use the break from doing too much.
we went to Garnet Hill, but didn't find anything worth a damn. we then went to the Liberty Pit overlook to see the largest open pit copper mine in Nevada. the damn thing is humongous. that was pretty cool. we stopped on the side of the road a few times, so i could take some pictures of the dilapidated and rotting buildings and mine adits that abound.
on both Friday and Saturday night, the wife and i played poker in the Hotel Nevada live gaming room (the only live gaming casino in Ely) and walked away as winners on both nights. wish we could play every night!
and, lest we forget the purpose of the trip, on Saturday evening we took the Nevada Northern Railway for their Wine Train excursion. the wine was fabulous, the food was superb and we met a great couple who shared our table and with whom we talked the night away. it was a great night. the sunset over the east mountains, igniting the low-lying clouds, capped the perfect evening.
all in all, it was a great trip. we even made the drive back in just under three and a half hours. it was much needed, especially with all the stress that's coming up: the closing date on the sale of this house, moving into an apartment, starting a new job.
also, as if all of this was enough, i had ideas for three new poems, and am excited to get some time to myself (maybe later this week) to work them out of their concrete enclosure. it's been a long time since i was relaxed enough to allow the muse time to do her work.
the trip was very nice. much better than i anticipated. the drive there was long, and felt every bit of the four hours it took us. Ely is a small (very small) mining town in the middle of nowhere, at the junction of Highways 50 and 93 (incidentally, Highway 50 is also known as The Loneliest Road in the America). there's not much to do there, but that was just fine with us as we could use the break from doing too much.
we went to Garnet Hill, but didn't find anything worth a damn. we then went to the Liberty Pit overlook to see the largest open pit copper mine in Nevada. the damn thing is humongous. that was pretty cool. we stopped on the side of the road a few times, so i could take some pictures of the dilapidated and rotting buildings and mine adits that abound.
on both Friday and Saturday night, the wife and i played poker in the Hotel Nevada live gaming room (the only live gaming casino in Ely) and walked away as winners on both nights. wish we could play every night!
and, lest we forget the purpose of the trip, on Saturday evening we took the Nevada Northern Railway for their Wine Train excursion. the wine was fabulous, the food was superb and we met a great couple who shared our table and with whom we talked the night away. it was a great night. the sunset over the east mountains, igniting the low-lying clouds, capped the perfect evening.
all in all, it was a great trip. we even made the drive back in just under three and a half hours. it was much needed, especially with all the stress that's coming up: the closing date on the sale of this house, moving into an apartment, starting a new job.
also, as if all of this was enough, i had ideas for three new poems, and am excited to get some time to myself (maybe later this week) to work them out of their concrete enclosure. it's been a long time since i was relaxed enough to allow the muse time to do her work.
11 August 2005
murphy and his law
of course. that's the only thing i can say.
our swamp cooler, mentioned in a post a few weeks ago, broke today. the fan seized up, or something. i don't know much about how to work them, nor am i mechanically inclined in the least, so i can't fix it.
but, luckily, we got a free home warranty from the real estate agents when we signed with them. i called the home warranty company, but it turns out that air conditioners AND swamp coolers are not covered. OF COURSE!
and, the temperatures are hovering just below 100 degrees Fahrenheit (about 36 degree Celsius for you foreigners). with this sickening heat, i can't imagine i'll get too much sleep tonight.
well, we're leaving for the weekend tomorrow afternoon. so, we won't be home. this is both good AND bad, as we'll be out of the hot house, but we won't be home so that it can be repaired.
and, to come to think of it, i don't even know IF it can be repaired. hell, it might need to be replaced, which would be the worst kind of luck. those things cost a pretty penny.
anyway, we're out of town this weekend. we're going toa little town called Ely, Nevada for a little weekend jaunt. we're taking a quaint little mining train ride where a wine tasting will take place. and, we're staying at a cool hotel called the Hotel Nevada. the trip is much needed with all the stress we are experiencing right now.
i just hope this fucking swamp cooler thing doesn't cost us an arm and leg. one or the other would be fine, but not both!
our swamp cooler, mentioned in a post a few weeks ago, broke today. the fan seized up, or something. i don't know much about how to work them, nor am i mechanically inclined in the least, so i can't fix it.
but, luckily, we got a free home warranty from the real estate agents when we signed with them. i called the home warranty company, but it turns out that air conditioners AND swamp coolers are not covered. OF COURSE!
and, the temperatures are hovering just below 100 degrees Fahrenheit (about 36 degree Celsius for you foreigners). with this sickening heat, i can't imagine i'll get too much sleep tonight.
well, we're leaving for the weekend tomorrow afternoon. so, we won't be home. this is both good AND bad, as we'll be out of the hot house, but we won't be home so that it can be repaired.
and, to come to think of it, i don't even know IF it can be repaired. hell, it might need to be replaced, which would be the worst kind of luck. those things cost a pretty penny.
anyway, we're out of town this weekend. we're going toa little town called Ely, Nevada for a little weekend jaunt. we're taking a quaint little mining train ride where a wine tasting will take place. and, we're staying at a cool hotel called the Hotel Nevada. the trip is much needed with all the stress we are experiencing right now.
i just hope this fucking swamp cooler thing doesn't cost us an arm and leg. one or the other would be fine, but not both!
09 August 2005
aftermath
i turned in my resignation and two weeks notice today. and the fallout wasn't all that bad. people were upset, obviously, and disappointed, but understood that this is a great opportunity for me. i was happy about that. i will miss these guys, for sure.
now, i'm starting to get a bit nervous about starting the new job. if i'm not worried about one thing, it's another. damn.
starting a new chapter in the novel of our lives is always stressful. i'm sure i can manage.
now, i'm starting to get a bit nervous about starting the new job. if i'm not worried about one thing, it's another. damn.
starting a new chapter in the novel of our lives is always stressful. i'm sure i can manage.
08 August 2005
the resignation
i just got finished writing my resignation letter.
man, this is difficult.
i suppose you can infer from my first two sentences that i've decided to accept the offer to work for the other company i mentioned yesterday. i took today off from work in order to take my drug test and call the HR representative from the company and discuss some matters. i got satisfactory answers and accepted the offer.
now, the real difficulty begins. i have to tender my resignation with my current company, which will be no easy matter. i've been with the company nearly 6 years and have so inured myself within the grout that holds all the departmental tiles together that my leaving very likely will cause some tiles to come loose. in other words, this will cause some anguish and stress for many, and very likely will lead to a few more defections in the coming weeks. this is really tough to take. i just hope they (the company and the employees i'm leaving behind) will be okay. i'm the fourth person in my department (of eight) to put in their notice, or leave, in the last 3 weeks. wow! i'm pretty sure some heads will roll because of this.
it's kind of scary and kind of serene, this decision. starting a new job is always scary, but having finally made this difficult decision causes me to feel peace and serenity. i know this is the right choice for me, i'm just worried about the others who will be left behind, most of whom i truly care about and like.
i have no idea what to expect at work tomorrow. i am anticipating some shock, some fear in the form of anger, some fear in the form of joking (my favorite manifestation of fear), some anger in the form of real, red-faced anger, and some crying. and, the last two weeks will be difficult having to face these people, all of us knowing full well what situation my decision has caused for them.
the day off was kind of nice: slept in a little, peed in a cup and accidently got it on my hands; kind of like it was a Saturday instead of a Monday.
man, this is difficult.
i suppose you can infer from my first two sentences that i've decided to accept the offer to work for the other company i mentioned yesterday. i took today off from work in order to take my drug test and call the HR representative from the company and discuss some matters. i got satisfactory answers and accepted the offer.
now, the real difficulty begins. i have to tender my resignation with my current company, which will be no easy matter. i've been with the company nearly 6 years and have so inured myself within the grout that holds all the departmental tiles together that my leaving very likely will cause some tiles to come loose. in other words, this will cause some anguish and stress for many, and very likely will lead to a few more defections in the coming weeks. this is really tough to take. i just hope they (the company and the employees i'm leaving behind) will be okay. i'm the fourth person in my department (of eight) to put in their notice, or leave, in the last 3 weeks. wow! i'm pretty sure some heads will roll because of this.
it's kind of scary and kind of serene, this decision. starting a new job is always scary, but having finally made this difficult decision causes me to feel peace and serenity. i know this is the right choice for me, i'm just worried about the others who will be left behind, most of whom i truly care about and like.
i have no idea what to expect at work tomorrow. i am anticipating some shock, some fear in the form of anger, some fear in the form of joking (my favorite manifestation of fear), some anger in the form of real, red-faced anger, and some crying. and, the last two weeks will be difficult having to face these people, all of us knowing full well what situation my decision has caused for them.
the day off was kind of nice: slept in a little, peed in a cup and accidently got it on my hands; kind of like it was a Saturday instead of a Monday.
07 August 2005
ekphrasis or the offer letter
in yesterday's mail was my contributor's copy of the new issue of Cellar Roots, ekphrasis, the third in a series of three themed issues. i have three poems in this issue, and had poems featured in each of the other two, Metropolyesterday and Incendiary. Cellar Roots is the literary journal of Eastern Michigan University, and have been very good to me. i have recently submitted to their new anthology, MultiCulturalDiversity, and, of course, hope to get a few in this publication as well.
the contributor's copy also came with two bookmarks that feature one of my poems, each bookmark featuring a different poem. this is one of the cool things Cellar Roots does. not only do they produce a nice, glossy journal, but they make little extras, like the bookmarks, and send a copy to the author. i don't know for sure, but i assume these bookmarks are passed out with the journals, or given out at Eastern Michigan University campus. either way, it's pretty cool and the bookmarks are handsomely produced.
incidentally, ekphrasis means "poetry that describes art, or is overly visual." basically, all the poems in this issue speak to art, or poetry itself. most of the poems, mine included, are self-referential, which is something i've always had a liking for. it's actually a pretty good anthology.
well, i finally received an offer from the company i had been interviewing with, and of which i have spoken about in previous posts. the offer was for more money, and the job will be less stress, but leaving my current job will put many people under extra stress and undo hardship, so i have some serious decisions to make this weekend. i will be calling to negotiate some things on the offer letter, and will be making my decision within the next two days. it's all so nerve-wracking, but at least i'll be getting a raise out of the whole thing (if i decide to stay at my current job, i'm quite confident they'll match the offer of this new company). i'll keep you posted on my decision and the resultant consequences or fallout, if any.
the contributor's copy also came with two bookmarks that feature one of my poems, each bookmark featuring a different poem. this is one of the cool things Cellar Roots does. not only do they produce a nice, glossy journal, but they make little extras, like the bookmarks, and send a copy to the author. i don't know for sure, but i assume these bookmarks are passed out with the journals, or given out at Eastern Michigan University campus. either way, it's pretty cool and the bookmarks are handsomely produced.
incidentally, ekphrasis means "poetry that describes art, or is overly visual." basically, all the poems in this issue speak to art, or poetry itself. most of the poems, mine included, are self-referential, which is something i've always had a liking for. it's actually a pretty good anthology.
well, i finally received an offer from the company i had been interviewing with, and of which i have spoken about in previous posts. the offer was for more money, and the job will be less stress, but leaving my current job will put many people under extra stress and undo hardship, so i have some serious decisions to make this weekend. i will be calling to negotiate some things on the offer letter, and will be making my decision within the next two days. it's all so nerve-wracking, but at least i'll be getting a raise out of the whole thing (if i decide to stay at my current job, i'm quite confident they'll match the offer of this new company). i'll keep you posted on my decision and the resultant consequences or fallout, if any.
05 August 2005
TGIF
god, i hate that acronym and it's expanded saying. there's even a fucking restaurant named after it (and one so derivative and annoying what with the kitsch and overjoyed servers; i'd rather puke than eat there). and, to make it even worse, some fundamentalists deemed Thank God It's Friday too sacreligious, so they changed it to Thank Goodness It's Friday. the ultimate sign of stupidity is taking a lame idiom and making it even lamer. god damn. but, it IS friday and if there were a god i'd certainly thank it. this week was long.
i need to conduct 5 interviews next week, so maybe i can find some qualified people and quickly fill these open spots. we need the help. we are barely keeping our heads above water, and that's only because someone in my department has cashed in their savings of luck thereby allowing the volume of tests in our department to suddenly shrink. if they build back up again, which they inevitably will, we are in dire straits. i fear this.
plans this weekend: clean out my basement writing room, finally. box up all my shit, finally. finish the minor repairs the house needs, finally. find time in all of that to relax, finally. worry, more and continued.
i need to conduct 5 interviews next week, so maybe i can find some qualified people and quickly fill these open spots. we need the help. we are barely keeping our heads above water, and that's only because someone in my department has cashed in their savings of luck thereby allowing the volume of tests in our department to suddenly shrink. if they build back up again, which they inevitably will, we are in dire straits. i fear this.
plans this weekend: clean out my basement writing room, finally. box up all my shit, finally. finish the minor repairs the house needs, finally. find time in all of that to relax, finally. worry, more and continued.
04 August 2005
gyro breath
one thing i'll miss when we move to our new house, out in the boondocks, is this great Greek restaurant called Mad Greek Too. it's a second restaurant owned by the people who own Mad Greek. anyway, their gyros are amazing. it comes with a small salad (with 1000 islands dressing, which no salad would be complete without!) and a heap of basmati rice that tastes like heaven (if one actually existed).
well, my wife picked up some Mad Greek on her way home today and got me a gyro. oooh, doggy. the only drawback, for my wife, not me, is the horrible, garlicky, oniony, lamby gyro breath that i will be sporting all night. no amount of brushing or mouthwash will remove it, either. and, the only worse is about 3 hours from now when the gyro burps start working their way out. that's when the room clears.
but, it's oh so worth it.
well, just when i thought things were getting better at work, i lost my second employee in as many weeks. and, we were already down two people. so, the three remaining employees i have, plus me, will have to cover for seven people. this is an impossible task, and i imagine the defections will ripple on down until it's just me; curled up in the corner, in a fetal position, crying.
i have some interviews set up next week to fill the spots, but it'll take time to get them in, trained and ready to go. maybe i should jump ship while some of it is still above water? i don't know. it's all just so damn overwhelming.
well, my wife picked up some Mad Greek on her way home today and got me a gyro. oooh, doggy. the only drawback, for my wife, not me, is the horrible, garlicky, oniony, lamby gyro breath that i will be sporting all night. no amount of brushing or mouthwash will remove it, either. and, the only worse is about 3 hours from now when the gyro burps start working their way out. that's when the room clears.
but, it's oh so worth it.
well, just when i thought things were getting better at work, i lost my second employee in as many weeks. and, we were already down two people. so, the three remaining employees i have, plus me, will have to cover for seven people. this is an impossible task, and i imagine the defections will ripple on down until it's just me; curled up in the corner, in a fetal position, crying.
i have some interviews set up next week to fill the spots, but it'll take time to get them in, trained and ready to go. maybe i should jump ship while some of it is still above water? i don't know. it's all just so damn overwhelming.
02 August 2005
oops! or eating crow
well, my buddy Glenn W. Cooper has informed me that i made a rather glaring (and embarrassing) grammar error in a previous post written on July 31. the error was in the sentence:
"...the assholes that took the couch and chair just inconsiderately dumped..."
please forgive me my trespass. obviously, the sentence should have read:
"...the assholes who took the couch and chair just inconsiderately dumped..."
what's even more embarrassing is that Glenn has corrected me on more than one occasion about this very error in a number of my poems. for some reason i have a horrible that/who agreement issue, THAT no amount of correcting or humiliating can correct.
not to self: it's WHO when referring to a person or persons; THAT when referring to a thing!
well, i suppose i can take heart of the fact that none of us are perfect. my problem just resides in the fact that i think i am.
now, onto poetic matters. i received word today that two of my poems will be featured in the new issue of The Flatlands due out at the end of this month. it was a nice surprise after a busy day at work.
"...the assholes that took the couch and chair just inconsiderately dumped..."
please forgive me my trespass. obviously, the sentence should have read:
"...the assholes who took the couch and chair just inconsiderately dumped..."
what's even more embarrassing is that Glenn has corrected me on more than one occasion about this very error in a number of my poems. for some reason i have a horrible that/who agreement issue, THAT no amount of correcting or humiliating can correct.
not to self: it's WHO when referring to a person or persons; THAT when referring to a thing!
well, i suppose i can take heart of the fact that none of us are perfect. my problem just resides in the fact that i think i am.
now, onto poetic matters. i received word today that two of my poems will be featured in the new issue of The Flatlands due out at the end of this month. it was a nice surprise after a busy day at work.
01 August 2005
remarkable
i received issue #35 of remark., the old online poetry journal i started and edited until just recently, when i handed over the reigns to Kat. anyway, she did a great job with this issue. my review of Glenn W. Cooper's first chapbook, First Touch, from Bottle of Smoke Press appears in this issue. also included are some great poems by Luis Cuauhtemoc Berriozabal, Charles Nevsimal and Nescher Pyscher.
i also received a book from my friend, the aforementioned Glenn W. Cooper. he is a big fan of Muhammad Ali and knows that i am as well. he accidently ended up with two copies of a biography of him, The Tao of Muhhamad Ali, and was kind enough to send me one of the copies. thank you, Glenn. i look forward to reading it. it is going in the pile of books i mentioned below that will be accompanying me to my apartment. i've a great assortment of books of varying genres to keep me busy until my house is built.
i also received a book from my friend, the aforementioned Glenn W. Cooper. he is a big fan of Muhammad Ali and knows that i am as well. he accidently ended up with two copies of a biography of him, The Tao of Muhhamad Ali, and was kind enough to send me one of the copies. thank you, Glenn. i look forward to reading it. it is going in the pile of books i mentioned below that will be accompanying me to my apartment. i've a great assortment of books of varying genres to keep me busy until my house is built.
31 July 2005
off with his hair
nothing really new today. lazy Sunday. we packed up some more of our shit, segregated more things, threw more things out. we're trying to take things slow so that we don't get too stressed out. so far, so good.
we took time out to get haircuts, too. i always look like a goofball after a haircut. some people look their best right after a haircut. me, i look best about a week later. so, right now, i look like some super-coiffured idiot. next week, though, i'll be at my best.
one more story about the pile of garbage on our curbside. it has now been whittled down to no more than a tenth of what it was. we had an old, torn and overused couch and chair out there, on top of which were piled most of our junk. on our way back home from our friends' house for dinner, we noticed that they were both gone. we figured they would be. BUT, the assholes that took the couch and chair just inconsiderately dumped all the shit onto the parking strip and crushed the bushes and flowers my wife spent a long time planting. ASSHOLES! man, i wish we were there when it happened and my wife could've gotten hold of them. one thing, all. DO NOT fuck with my wife. the fiery Italian in her flares up and you will be sorry. oh, that would've been so great. but, as it is, we had to clean it up and luckily the plants were unharmed.
we took time out to get haircuts, too. i always look like a goofball after a haircut. some people look their best right after a haircut. me, i look best about a week later. so, right now, i look like some super-coiffured idiot. next week, though, i'll be at my best.
one more story about the pile of garbage on our curbside. it has now been whittled down to no more than a tenth of what it was. we had an old, torn and overused couch and chair out there, on top of which were piled most of our junk. on our way back home from our friends' house for dinner, we noticed that they were both gone. we figured they would be. BUT, the assholes that took the couch and chair just inconsiderately dumped all the shit onto the parking strip and crushed the bushes and flowers my wife spent a long time planting. ASSHOLES! man, i wish we were there when it happened and my wife could've gotten hold of them. one thing, all. DO NOT fuck with my wife. the fiery Italian in her flares up and you will be sorry. oh, that would've been so great. but, as it is, we had to clean it up and luckily the plants were unharmed.
30 July 2005
distilling our lives
our community has a neighborhood trash pickup once a year. this year, it's set for August 8. we can put anything out on the curb, and on the 8th sanitation workers will haul it off in a gigantic garbage truck. this is perfect timing for our big move, so we put out all of our shit today. our curbside is literally piled four feet high with junk. we are distilling down our lives to the barest necessities.
one of the strangest things about this annual ritual is the picking through of our stuff that occurs. unending streams of people (on foot, in trucks, on bicycle) stop by the various piles and pilfer anything worth anything. even while we were piling our lives by the curb, people stopped by to pillage it.
a neighbor even took one of my wife's old high school yearbooks. this freaked her out. it is strange. i don't even want to know what the hell this guy is going to do with her yearbook.
anyway, it's amazing how much shit we've accumulated over the years. how much of it is unnecessary and superfluous. but, even more amazing, is how much shit we've deemed necessary to our lives.
one of the strangest things about this annual ritual is the picking through of our stuff that occurs. unending streams of people (on foot, in trucks, on bicycle) stop by the various piles and pilfer anything worth anything. even while we were piling our lives by the curb, people stopped by to pillage it.
a neighbor even took one of my wife's old high school yearbooks. this freaked her out. it is strange. i don't even want to know what the hell this guy is going to do with her yearbook.
anyway, it's amazing how much shit we've accumulated over the years. how much of it is unnecessary and superfluous. but, even more amazing, is how much shit we've deemed necessary to our lives.
29 July 2005
garage sale, part two
just a quick update:
the Feel Free Press broadside listed in the previous post is no longer available. it has been purchased.
also, i neglected to mention the fact that anything you order will be personally inscribed by me to you. this might or might not sweeten the deal. no, i'm quite certain it doesn't, but it's true nonetheless.
a bit of good news (for me, though maybe not for you): i have two poems percolating in my skull. these are the first two things i will have written (once i finally sit down and do it) in approximately 3 months. the drought just before this one lasted over 6 months. not good. anyway, maybe this is the beginning of a wellspring of inspiration and creativity. then again, maybe it's just two unrelated and rare burbles that escaped from the dam.
the Feel Free Press broadside listed in the previous post is no longer available. it has been purchased.
also, i neglected to mention the fact that anything you order will be personally inscribed by me to you. this might or might not sweeten the deal. no, i'm quite certain it doesn't, but it's true nonetheless.
a bit of good news (for me, though maybe not for you): i have two poems percolating in my skull. these are the first two things i will have written (once i finally sit down and do it) in approximately 3 months. the drought just before this one lasted over 6 months. not good. anyway, maybe this is the beginning of a wellspring of inspiration and creativity. then again, maybe it's just two unrelated and rare burbles that escaped from the dam.
28 July 2005
garage sale
well, i'm very happy with all the responses and comments i've received lately. especially, the book-related comments. it's nice to know that others are crazy about reading, though i suspected you'd all be like me. and it's cool to read which books everyone loved. it has definitely given me some ideas for future reading lists.
i was going through the crap in my little writing room in my basement (which i will be posting pictures of sometime later, before we move), and i found some of my publications i thought i'd put up for sale. i have:
* one (1) booger broadside published by Bottle of Smoke Press (w/ felt wrappers. included with lettered copies of i was a third grade genius...) -- $2.00
* one (1) Feel Free Press pocket broadside #15 (2 poems) -- $1.00
* three (3) Chapbook of the Month Club #1, liquid jesus, by Bottle of Smoke Press (white paper overwraps) -- $2.00
* two (2) sunnyoutside broadside - the president, a criminal and a chimpanzee walk into a bar... (numbered copies, w/ illustrations by David Woodson) -- $5.00
* seven (7) broadsides of the poem spark from Six-Pack #2 by Bottle of Smoke Press -- $1.00
* four (4) Bottle of Smoke Postcard #1 broadsides of the poem the van gogh of poetry or on the right track -- $1.00
* three (3) broadsides of the poem six-pack from Bottle #2 by Bottle of Smoke Press -- $1.00
* twelve (12) broadsides of the poem 4 a.m. and drunk again from Bottle #3 by Bottle of Smoke Press -- $1.00
* five (5) copies of flight 451 broadside (no imprint) -- $1.00
* twenty (20) copies of checklist broadside by Bottle of Smoke Press (a checklist of my publications, included with first 50 copies of 25 Best-Loved Poems of the Future) -- $1.00
* twelve (12) copies of a self-produced (via Eat Shit Press) chapbook titled, Abnormal Psych -- $2.00
* twenty nine (29) copies of 12-Gauge Press chapbook The Magnificent Seven -- $6.00
* fourteen (14) copies of Bottle of Smoke Press chapbook 25 Best-Loved Poems of the Future -- $5.00
(a lot of stuff from Bottle of Smoke, eh? mostly, it's because Bill gives his writers so many author copies that i don't know enough people to give them all to.)
if you are interested in any of the above products, let me know. all prices include postage. also, if you don't have it already, i am giving away my very first chapbook (an electronic chapbook from Spent Angel Press), Techson Medical Supply, for free with every order. if you already have this e-book, sorry. maybe, we can work something else out then.
anyway, let me know. i need to unload some of this stuff.
i was going through the crap in my little writing room in my basement (which i will be posting pictures of sometime later, before we move), and i found some of my publications i thought i'd put up for sale. i have:
* one (1) booger broadside published by Bottle of Smoke Press (w/ felt wrappers. included with lettered copies of i was a third grade genius...) -- $2.00
* one (1) Feel Free Press pocket broadside #15 (2 poems) -- $1.00
* three (3) Chapbook of the Month Club #1, liquid jesus, by Bottle of Smoke Press (white paper overwraps) -- $2.00
* two (2) sunnyoutside broadside - the president, a criminal and a chimpanzee walk into a bar... (numbered copies, w/ illustrations by David Woodson) -- $5.00
* seven (7) broadsides of the poem spark from Six-Pack #2 by Bottle of Smoke Press -- $1.00
* four (4) Bottle of Smoke Postcard #1 broadsides of the poem the van gogh of poetry or on the right track -- $1.00
* three (3) broadsides of the poem six-pack from Bottle #2 by Bottle of Smoke Press -- $1.00
* twelve (12) broadsides of the poem 4 a.m. and drunk again from Bottle #3 by Bottle of Smoke Press -- $1.00
* five (5) copies of flight 451 broadside (no imprint) -- $1.00
* twenty (20) copies of checklist broadside by Bottle of Smoke Press (a checklist of my publications, included with first 50 copies of 25 Best-Loved Poems of the Future) -- $1.00
* twelve (12) copies of a self-produced (via Eat Shit Press) chapbook titled, Abnormal Psych -- $2.00
* twenty nine (29) copies of 12-Gauge Press chapbook The Magnificent Seven -- $6.00
* fourteen (14) copies of Bottle of Smoke Press chapbook 25 Best-Loved Poems of the Future -- $5.00
(a lot of stuff from Bottle of Smoke, eh? mostly, it's because Bill gives his writers so many author copies that i don't know enough people to give them all to.)
if you are interested in any of the above products, let me know. all prices include postage. also, if you don't have it already, i am giving away my very first chapbook (an electronic chapbook from Spent Angel Press), Techson Medical Supply, for free with every order. if you already have this e-book, sorry. maybe, we can work something else out then.
anyway, let me know. i need to unload some of this stuff.
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